IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today, many people do not know their neighbours in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

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Introduction
With the expansion and scale of urban areas, it is becoming increasingly common that residents do not know their
neighbours
Use synonyms
 these days.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the main causes of
this
Linking Words
 issue and suggest potential solutions
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
.
Body paragraph 1
Initially
Linking Words
, if uncertain circumstances occur in a person's accommodation,
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
neighbours
Use synonyms
 will not have the ability to inform
him
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
 about it; to put it differently, individuals must be independent and take responsibility of themeselves in severe conditions.
In addition
Linking Words
, the majority of citizens residing in big cities work in jobs with extensive hours, the primary reason is that the city mostly contains the headquarters of hundreds of corporations.
Therefore
Linking Words
, people have negligible leisure time to meet and communicate with their
neighbours
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, working in the financial, healthcare, or even technology sector, where average working hours occasionally exceed 70 hours a week.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, citizens could address
this
Linking Words
 problem by organising a weekly or fortnightly meeting with their
neighbours
Use synonyms
;
in other words
Linking Words
, all sides must have a mutual initiative to know each other and share mobile numbers in case an unforeseen event occurs.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the government should
interfere
Verb problem
intervene
show examples
 and publish a national campaign explaining the importance of
neighbours
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. A clear example of
this
Linking Words
 can be seen in Newyork, where a public campaign called Know Your Neighbour! received
a
Correct article usage
apply
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widespread
advocations
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advocacy
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 from society members.
Consequently
Linking Words
, people started chatting with
neighbours
Use synonyms
 whenever it is possible
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 some made friendships.
Conclusion
In conclusion, being isolated from people living near you is a hazardous risk,
this
Linking Words
 is because in unforeseen events you must take
obligation
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responsibility
show examples
.
Whereas
Linking Words
 having a walk with each other or communicating could break the barrier.

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task response
Make the first body part focus only on problems. The point about long work hours explains why people do not know their neighbours, so it fits better in the start or as a short cause before the problems.
task response
Develop each problem more. For example, explain that if a person is away, a neighbour may not notice a fire, a break-in, or an ill person. This makes the result clearer.
task response
Give more support for the idea about local meetings. Say who can plan them, where they can happen, and why busy people may join.
task response
Be careful with the New York example. It sounds very exact, but it is not explained well. A simple general example may be safer: “For example, a building can hold a small tea meeting once a month.”
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: start with the problem, then explain two results, then give two ways to help. This will make the order easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some links do not show the right relation. “Initially” is not needed, and “Furthermore” starts a new main part but does not clearly show that you are moving from problems to solutions. Try “There are two main problems” and “To solve this issue” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending should repeat the main problems and solutions more clearly. The last sentence is hard to follow. End with a direct summary, such as: “Regular local events and public support can help neighbours know and help each other.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid long sentences with many ideas. Split them into two short sentences so each point is easy to understand.
task response
You answer both parts of the task: you show problems and give ways to help.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, such as help in an emergency, long work hours, local meetings, and a public campaign.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “In addition”, “Furthermore”, “Moreover”, and “Consequently” to guide the reader.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Community spirit
  • Isolation
  • Surveillance
  • Safety and security
  • Vulnerability
  • Support networks
  • Local gatherings
  • Foster
  • Social media platforms
  • Neighbourhood watch
  • Emergency situations
  • Natural disasters
  • Shared resources
  • Crime rates
What to do next:
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