IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people nowadays are choosing to live and work in another country after graduating from university in their home country. Why this is? Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In the modern era, many young
tend
Check wording
people tend
show examples
 to
moving
Wrong verb form
move
show examples
 abroad after graduation,
this
Linking Words
 is
genu aatitide
Correct your spelling
genuine attitude
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 moving far away from their home to
experience
Use synonyms
 a different culture or life, and sometimes seeking
for a
Change preposition
apply
show examples
better opportunities .
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain the pros and cons of
this
Linking Words
experience
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
with
Punctuation problem
with,
show examples
 the benefits, over the centuries ,humankind have migrate for a new places from the beginning of
creating
Replace the word
creation
, either seeking
for a
Change preposition
apply
show examples
natural
sources
Check wording
resources
show examples
 like water, good soil, better weather conditions or
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
safer places.
Hence
Linking Words
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
a
Verb problem
is a
show examples
human nature
for developing
Wrong verb form
to develop
show examples
 or
surviving
Wrong verb form
survive
show examples
. Nowadays and
due to
Linking Words
 political and economical tough circumstances many young individuals believe that better future in another countries,
for example
Linking Words
 many big companies like Microsoft and google offers a good salary and residency for creative, high educated young from around the world,
in addition
Linking Words
 to it financial advantages for people it allows them to have
experience
Use synonyms
 new life, language and it emphasize cultural diversity
this
Linking Words
 lead to more acceptance and peace among nations.
Body paragraph 2
From another perspective, moving abroad and starting a completely different life far away from home and family
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
 a lot of courage
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it has emotional stress on people themselves
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 when they have been through racism in the destination.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 it has a
determination
Replace the word
determining
 impact on the country
which lose
Correct subject-verb agreement
that loses
show examples
 its human wealth
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
instance
Punctuation problem
instance,
show examples
 in Iraq
2003
Change preposition
in 2003
show examples
 alot of academics and
doctory
Correct your spelling
doctors
 had left the countarydue to the war.
This
Linking Words
 migration of minds has a bad impact on the country
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 years after.
Conclusion
To sum it up, I strongly believe the
experience
Use synonyms
worth
Verb problem
was worth
show examples
 it
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 when it lead for better professional opportunities and well-being. But a balanced approach should be set up by the governments to maintain
abalnace
Correct your spelling
balance
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Explain the main reason more clearly in the opening. Instead of saying it is a human attitude, say that young people move for better jobs, higher pay, safety, and a new way of life.
task response
Make your answer to the second question more direct. State that the good points are greater than the bad points, then give two clear reasons why.
task response
Develop each main point with a simple chain: point, why it happens, and result. For example, a better job can give young people more money, new skills, and a better life.
task response
Your Iraq example is strong, but explain it more. Say how the loss of doctors and academics can make health care, schools, and the country’s future worse.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The first body paragraph has too many ideas together: human history, jobs, money, language, and peace. Split or cut ideas so the paragraph is easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences. For example: “The main advantage of moving abroad is better work and study chances.” Then explain only this idea before moving to culture or language.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple cause words: “because”, “so”, “as a result”, “however”, and “therefore”. This will make the path between sentences clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Make the closing match your main view. You say governments should keep balance, but do not explain what this means. Add one clear action, such as better jobs and pay at home so fewer skilled people need to leave.
task response
You answer both parts of the task. You give reasons for moving abroad, then you discuss good and bad sides, and you make your own view clear at the end.
task response
Your examples are useful and related to the topic, such as work at Microsoft and Google and the loss of doctors and teachers from Iraq.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear basic shape: an opening, a paragraph on good points, a paragraph on bad points, and a closing.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “To begin with”, “Hence”, “Moreover”, “For instance”, and “To sum it up” to guide the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • job prospects
  • cultural exchange
  • foreign employment
  • global workforce
  • international experience
  • skilled labor
  • economic growth
  • cost of living
  • professional network
  • career advancement
  • language proficiency
  • personal development
  • work-life balance
  • remote work opportunities
  • expatriate lifestyle
What to do next:
Look at other essays: