IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days consumer are faced with an increasing amount of advertising from various companies. To what extend do you thunk consumers are influenced by advertising? What measures should be taken to protect them?

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Introduction
Consumers receive excessive amounts of
advertisements
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 from a variety of diverse enterprises.
This
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 essay will discuss how far
advertisements
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 influence them and potential actions that should be taken to protect them.
Body paragraph 1
Initially
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,
people
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's impulse buying increases drastically as promotions
rises
Correct subject-verb agreement
rise
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; the primary reason being that
advertisements
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demonstrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
demonstrate
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 the attractiveness of commodities, whether by packaging, persuasive methods, or even discounts.
In addition
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, the majority of
people
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 do not have financial consciousness;
in other words
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, whenever an appealing advertisement is shown to them, they immediately purchase it, without thinking critically
if
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about whether
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 it is worth it or not.
For instance
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, a recent study from an American researcher revealed that 53 per cent of individuals face serious challenges in preventing themselves from buying products from
adverts
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.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, authorities must interfere and impose restrictions on advertising; to put it differently, businesses should have a weekly or fortnightly promotion limit.
Therefore
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,
people
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 will watch
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
advertisements
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,
hence
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 expenditure declines.
Moreover
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, social awareness
on
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of
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 the
appealness
Replace the word
appeal
 of
adverts
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 must be spread among citizens, and that it increases the product's expectation. A clear example of
this
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 can be seen in France, where a national campaign called Save Money received widespread advocacy from
people
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, and some started ignoring
watching
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apply
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advertisements
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 for the purpose of not spending money.
Body paragraph 3
Consequently
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, many
people
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 observed that their disposable income
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 grown notably after ignoring
adverts
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, promotions heavily influence and attract targeted consumers.
However
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, governments should prevent the spread of them,
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also
Correct word choice
and
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 society members should unite and raise awareness about these
adverts
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.

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Task response
Answer both parts in more detail. Explain why ads can make people buy things they do not need, and explain how each plan would protect people.
Task response
Use more clear and real examples. The study and the France case are not fully explained, so they do not strongly support your points.
Task response
Be careful with very strong claims, such as stopping ads or saying people will spend less. Say how the rules would work and why they would help.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the link from one idea to the next smoother.
Coherence and cohesion
Put the last one-sentence paragraph into the second body paragraph or remove it. It repeats the idea about spending less and breaks the flow.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. For example, “therefore” should show a clear result. Some links are used, but the ideas after them need a closer connection.
Coherence and cohesion
Make each main point clearer: first explain the effect of ads, then give an example; next give one rule, explain it, and then give an example.
Task response
You address both the effect of advertising and ways to protect consumers.
Task response
You give useful ideas, such as limits on ads and public messages about spending.
Coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will discuss.
Coherence and cohesion
The main ideas are placed in separate paragraphs, which makes the essay easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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