The bar chart shows the participation of children in selected leisure activities in Australia.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →

The bar graph illustrates the percentages of children in Australia who have participated in five different free-time activities.

Overall

Linking Words

it is clear that

Linking Words

young people aged 5 to 14 years old prefer to watch TV and Videos, mostly among both boys and girls. There is a little

different

Replace the word

difference

in the lowest percentages

Punctuation problem

show examples

Female children do not usually choose to play skateboarding and blad rolle compare to the other

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

Linking Words

While

Change preposition

Among

show examples

male children

the

Punctuation problem

, the

show examples

least popular

activity

Use synonyms

among them is art and

craft related

Correct your spelling

craft-related

activity

Use synonyms

Moreover

Linking Words

, the second highest

activity

Use synonyms

for girls

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

both riding a bike and gaming

which

Punctuation problem

, which

show examples

accounted for 60%.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, boys are more 10% intrested in

ride

Wrong verb form

riding

show examples

a bike

activity

Use synonyms

Linking Words

then

Use the right word

than

show examples

girls,

also

Linking Words

, the

electroic

Correct your spelling

electronic

games are common for boys 20% more

then

Linking Words

gilrs.

Danyamq

Aug 18, 2026

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.

Vocabulary: Replace the words activity with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

127 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
You and some friends ate a meal at a restaurant to celebrate a special occasion, and you were very pleased with the food and service. Write a letter to the restaurant manager. In your letter: give details of your visit to the restaurant explain the reason for the celebration say what was good about the food and the service
I am writing you this letter to leave my feedback on the visit to your establishment.
7
band
Some students like to take distance-learning courses by computer. Other students prefer to study in traditional classroom settings with a teacher. Consider the advantages of both options, and make an argument for the way the students should organise their schedule.
With the advances in technology nowadays, students prefer to follow the courses online, while others have more preference to follow the old setting within a classroom. Taking online courses gives students flexibility in their schedule, whereas traditional settings teach students how to be disciplined and define their priorities. Therefore, it is important for students to be aware of how to best organize their schedules.
7.5
band
You have just bought a new mobile phone from a website on the internet. When it was delivered, the phone was faulty. Write a letter to the company. In the letter: introduce yourself explain the situation state what action you want to be taken
I am writing to lodge a formal complaint regarding a faulty mobile phone that I recently purchased from your website.
7.5
band
Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, technology plays a crucial role in people's social life. While many claim that the development of technology has drawn people together, others argue that it contributes to social isolation. I believe that technology is a useful and beneficial tool for communication if people utilize it with discipline.
6.5
band
Multicultural societies, where people of different ethnic groups live together can bring more benefits than drawbacks to a society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is an ongoing debate about the allocation of government funding to different sectors, with particular focus on the education of young people. Some argue that too much emphasis is placed on early education, and that funds should be redirected towards extracurricular activities. However, I believe that more government money should be invested in early education, as it plays a crucial role in shaping the foundational skills of children.

The bar chart shows the participation of children in selected leisure activities in Australia.

Some students like to take distance-learning courses by computer. Other students prefer to study in traditional classroom settings with a teacher. Consider the advantages of both options, and make an argument for the way the students should organise their schedule.

You have just bought a new mobile phone from a website on the internet. When it was delivered, the phone was faulty. Write a letter to the company. In the letter: introduce yourself explain the situation state what action you want to be taken

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Multicultural societies, where people of different ethnic groups live together can bring more benefits than drawbacks to a society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?