IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Less and Less parents these days are smacking their children. Some people think that this is leading to a generation of misbehaved children. Do you agree or disagree to this view?

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Introduction
Nowadays,fewer percentage of parents are smacking their
children
Use synonyms
 af the act of behaving.The majority of nations believe that future generations will be raised
up
Rephrase
apply
show examples
improperly.I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view,because it may have a negative effect on kids.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with,I was nurtured in a prosperous family.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,from time to time mother could strike me.
Such
Linking Words
 bringing up might have a negative impact on young people's moral condition.Kids may have depression,
issue
Check wording
issues
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 with consciousness,anxiety and nervous system disorders.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
Linking Words
,the fact that teens will consider
such
Linking Words
 behaviour as
norm
Correct article usage
the norm
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we
Verb problem
will
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also
Linking Words
 affect
on
Change preposition
apply
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their family values
in
Change preposition
for
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 several decades.
Body paragraph 3
Furthermore
Linking Words
,far beyond accommodation,hitting teenagers is
about
Correct word choice
likely
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 to lead to aggressive conduct towards others.Kids will provoke disputes,quarrels
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it has a possibility to escalate into a hazardous fight.
Body paragraph 4
Children
Use synonyms
 can behave in the same way because of being under violence since their childhood.
Conclusion
To end up,beating and striking
children
Use synonyms
 as a kind of punishment will definitely be
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 wrong way of nurturing
children
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer the exact question more fully. Explain why children can still learn good behavior without being hit. For example, parents can use clear rules, talk to children, and give fair results when rules are broken.
task response
Your first body paragraph says hitting can harm children, but it needs a clearer link to the question. Say that harm from hitting is a reason not to use it, not only a list of health problems.
task response
Give one or two more clear examples. You could compare a child who is hit with a child whose parent explains rules and gives a calm punishment.
task response
Avoid ideas that are too strong unless you explain them well. For example, “nervous system disorders” is a big claim. Use simple, clear ideas such as fear, sadness, anger, or loss of trust.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main point. Paragraph 1 can be about harm to the child. Paragraph 2 can be about how children may copy violence. Then explain each point with a reason and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the link between ideas is not clear. For example, “the fact that teens will consider such behaviour as norm...” needs a full explanation: children may learn that hitting is normal and may use it with other people later.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “Furthermore” and “Moreover” are fine, but do not add a new point without explaining it. Use “For example”, “Because of this”, and “As a result” to show how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Write a stronger ending. Restate your view and briefly give your two main reasons: hitting can hurt children and can teach them to use violence.
task response
You give a clear opinion: you do not agree that less smacking will make children badly behaved. Your main idea stays the same from start to end.
task response
You give reasons why hitting children can be harmful, such as fear, stress, and more aggressive acts.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, body paragraphs, and an ending. Words such as “To begin with”, “Moreover”, and “To end up” show the order of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your own life example helps make the topic feel real.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical punishment
  • corporal punishment
  • misbehaved children
  • discipline a child
  • set clear boundaries
  • consistent rules
  • reasonable consequences
  • lose privileges
  • positive reinforcement
  • praise good behaviour
  • self-control
  • respect for others
  • aggressive behaviour
  • fear-based obedience
  • parenting style
  • permissive parenting
  • firm but fair
  • teach responsibility
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