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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table below compares the proportion of national expenditures in Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey on the various types of consumer goods in 2002.

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The table compares underground railway systems in six cities in terms of the year they opened, the length of their routes and their annual passenger numbers.
Overall
Linking Words
, London has the oldest and longest underground railway
system
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 Los Angeles has the most recently opened one. Tokyo carries the highest number of
passengers
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 annually,
while
Linking Words
 Kyoto has both the shortest
route
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 and the lowest passenger figure. London’s underground
system
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, which opened in 1863, is the oldest of the six and has by far the longest
route
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, at 394
kilometres
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. Paris began operating in 1900 and has a considerably shorter network of 199
kilometres
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.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it serves 1,191
million
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passengers
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 annually, compared with 775
million
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 in London. Tokyo’s
system
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 was opened in 1927 and covers 155
kilometres
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. Despite having a shorter
route
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 than London and Paris, it is the busiest
system
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, carrying 1,927
million
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passengers
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 per year. Regarding the newer systems, Washington DC’s underground railway was opened in 1976. Its
route
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 extends for 126
kilometres
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, and it transports 144
million
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passengers
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 annually. Kyoto, which began operating in 1981, has the shortest network, at only 11
kilometres
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, and serves 45
million
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passengers
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.
Finally
Linking Words
, Los Angeles has the newest
system
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, opened in 2001. It has a 28-kilometre
route
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 and carries 50
million
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passengers
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.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words system, passengers, route, kilometres, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compares" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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