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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Populations in developing nations are rapidly growing, people now believe that we should turn to genetically modified crops to increase the productions of food grains. Discuss the Advantages and Disadvantages of this approach.

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Introduction
Whether to harvest genetically modified
crops
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 to
fulfil
Verb problem
address
show examples
 the scarcity of
food
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 has become a topic of debate.
Although
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 these cultivations will surpass the
food
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 shortage, it has myriad of disadvantages.
This
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 essay will discuss both the pros and cons in the forthcoming paragraphs.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, in order to meet the
food
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 needs of
growing
Correct article usage
a growing
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 population, it is important to grow
garins
Correct your spelling
grains
 on a large scale.
For instance
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, research has shown that in many developed countries, people are struggling with the shortage of
food
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. To overcome
this
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, farmers are using advanced technology and harvesting large
amount
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amounts
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 of
crops
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. These advancements are convenient
that
Correct word choice
so that
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 farmers can grow
crops
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 in less space and time.
In addition
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 to
this
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, the
proces
Correct your spelling
process
 will
also
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reduced
Verb problem
be reduced
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 as the adequete amount of
food
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 is grown and available to fulfil
population's
Correct article usage
the population's
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 demand.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, these
manmaid
Correct your spelling
man-made
 innovations can lessen the nutritional value of the
food
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, which can result in serious concerns in the long run.
For example
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, people can suffer from health issues as they grow old
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 they will not get enough nutrition from
artifically
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artificially
 modified
crops
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.
Consequently
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,
peopel
Correct your spelling
people
 will consume multivitamins or other medicines to cope
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with the
food
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suppliments
Correct your spelling
supplements
.
Furthermore
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, genetically modified fruits and vegetables can not be stored outside
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
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 need good preservation techniques to keep them fresh for
long
Correct article usage
a long
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 time
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 eventually gives birth to diseases.
Conclusion
In conclusion, growing
artifical
Correct your spelling
artificial
crops
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 to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 the
food
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 needs of
growing
Correct article usage
a growing
show examples
 population can be a technological advancement and can help governments to stabilise the supply and demand of the
foodchain
Correct your spelling
food chain
.
However
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, it can reduce the quality of the
food
Use synonyms
 and may lead to poor health and immunity
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can not be neglected.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more balanced way. Give clear good points of GM crops, such as more food from less land, crops that can live with less water, and less loss from insects. Then give clear bad points, such as health worries, harm to nature, and high cost for small farmers.
task response
Make each main idea clearer and explain it fully. For example, say how more food can help poor families, then show why this is important. For each bad point, explain how it may affect people or farms.
task response
Use examples that fit the topic. The example about developed countries having food shortage is not strong. You can use a real or clear general case about dry areas, poor farmers, or crops harmed by insects.
task response
Be careful with claims about health and food storage. Do not say GM food causes disease unless you can explain the reason well. The point about fruit and vegetables needing storage is not clearly linked to GM crops.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the first body part focus only on advantages and the second part focus only on disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. For example: “One main advantage of GM crops is that they can increase food supply.” Then keep every sentence in that paragraph linked to this one idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple, clear words such as “because”, “therefore”, “however”, and “as a result”. Do not use linking words only at the start of a sentence; show the cause or result clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea about food shortage. Add a new point instead, and make sure each paragraph moves forward.
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of using GM crops, so you respond to the full question.
task response
Your main good point is clear: GM crops may help produce more food for a growing population.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful signposts such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”, which help the reader follow your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Genetically modified (GM) crops
  • Higher yields
  • Pest and disease resistance
  • Nutritional benefits
  • Agricultural inputs
  • Environmental impact
  • Biodiversity
  • Health concerns
  • Economic dependency
  • Biotechnology companies
  • Ethical concerns
  • Cultural resistance
  • Malnutrition
  • Food demands
  • Crossbreed
  • Unintended effects
  • Regulatory assessments
  • Enhanced resistance
  • Agricultural sustainability
  • Sovereignty over agriculture
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