IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
Some people believed that the governmental budget should be used for
railways
Use synonyms
 rather than
roads
Use synonyms
. From my personal perspective, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
due to
Linking Words
 several reasons that will be clarified in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, the state of the
roads
Use synonyms
 is actually more alert than
the
Correct pronoun usage
that of the
show examples
railways
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the high-peak
times
Add a comma
times,
show examples
 individuals usually have to
faced
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
jam
Check wording
jams
show examples
. Even though trains are faster and cannot get
strucked
Verb problem
stuck
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
but
Correct word choice
,
show examples
 most people have to travel on
roads
Use synonyms
everyday
Rephrase
every day
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due to
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 the
inapproachable
Correct word choice
infrequent
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 trains from
a small distance
Check wording
one place
show examples
 to another. When the government invest money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
roads
Use synonyms
, inhabitants can travel on
a
Correct article usage
apply
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bigger
roads
Use synonyms
 and with a great controlled
traffic
Use synonyms
 lights, there will be
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, the cost to improve the
roads
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 much
more
Rephrase
apply
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cheaper and
also
Linking Words
 it is faster to implement than the
railways
Use synonyms
. In fact, if the government want to spend money on
railways
Use synonyms
, the plans to set
the
Verb problem
up the
show examples
railways
Use synonyms
 should be set smartly and conveniently, which makes it so long and difficult to carry out
this
Linking Words
 development.
Besides
Linking Words
, a huge amount of money
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to be invested to build
railways
Use synonyms
 and trains
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 in fact, not all countries in the world are rich enough to implement
this
Linking Words
 plan. And
that is
Linking Words
 the reason why improving
roads
Use synonyms
 is a good choice
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 most governments.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I do disagree that the budget of the government should be spent on
railways
Use synonyms
 rather than
roads
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 much more important state of
roads
Use synonyms
 and
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 cost and time.

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task response
Your view is clear: you disagree. Give a more full answer by saying that both roads and railways need money, but roads should get more in many places. This will make your main idea more exact.
task response
Explain why roads matter with more detail. For example, roads are used by buses, cars, bikes, goods, and emergency cars. Show how better roads can help people, work, and trade.
task response
Your first example is too general. Add one real or clear made-up case, such as a town where people cannot reach work or school on time because of road traffic.
task response
Be careful with the idea that railways are always too costly. A rail system can also cut traffic and help many people. Briefly accept this point, then explain why roads are still the first need in your view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. Make each body part begin with one direct main idea, then give an explanation and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not clear. Use simple links such as “First”, “Also”, “For example”, “However”, and “As a result”. Do not join too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for the key ideas. Use “roads”, “railways”, and “government money” often, instead of changing to unclear words such as “the state” or “this plan”.
coherence and cohesion
The end repeats your view, which is good. Make it stronger by restating the two reasons in a clear form: roads are used more often, and road work is usually easier and less costly.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same view from the start to the end.
task response
You give two main reasons for your view: daily road use and the cost and time needed for rail work.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: an opening, two main parts, and a closing paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Firstly”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow the main parts of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
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