IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Are public parks and open spaces among shopping centres? At which extend do you agree? With opinion and example?

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Introduction
Public parks and open spaces are two of
Correct article usage
the
show examples
ways that provide clean air through
respiratory
Correct article usage
the respiratory
show examples
 system.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, shopping
centres
Use synonyms
 are one of the most modern life facilities that provide a lot of public services.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, every part has
its
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
several purposes. So, I agree
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some extent, approximately 60%
that
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
 shopping
centres
Use synonyms
more
Verb problem
are more
show examples
 crucial than public parks and open spaces because of
ability
Correct determiner usage
their ability
show examples
 to
use them
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
for all purposes
in one
Change preposition
at the same
show examples
 time.
For example
Linking Words
, the
manger
Correct your spelling
manager
 can provide all facilities that requirement to them
suitable
Punctuation problem
, suitable
show examples
 for shopping, with
such
Linking Words
 arrangements, like
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 ceiling glasses , and wide-open windows. In turn, that will provide us
of
Change preposition
with all of
show examples
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
them
in one
Change preposition
at the same
show examples
 time in
limited
Correct article usage
a limited
show examples
 accessibility.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the shopping
centres
Use synonyms
 help us to attend a variety
facilities
Change preposition
of facilities
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as food courts, kids zones, clothes stores and household items.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is the safest compared to others with
acceptable
Correct article usage
an acceptable
show examples
 temperature. In turn, that keeps your body at
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
 temperature without getting sweaty.
Body paragraph 3
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government should introduce strict regulations to reduce the drawbacks of shopping
centres
Use synonyms
. From my point of view, the shopping
centres
Use synonyms
 are providing high tax revenue to the government. In turn, that increase the abilities of staff to provide services to
costumers
Use the right word
customers
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, all these points show us the importance of human intelligence to fix unexpected problems that
may
Correct pronoun usage
we may
show examples
 face
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in future.
In addition
Linking Words
,
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 public awareness about technology services will solve a lot of problems.

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task response
State one clear view in the first part. Do not say you agree only “60%”. Say if parks and open spaces are more important, less important, or as important as shopping centres.
task response
Answer the main question more directly. Your essay mostly explains why shopping centres are useful, but it does not fully explain the need for public parks and open spaces.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear reason and a real example. For example, parks give people space to walk, play, meet friends, and have clean air. Shopping centres give people shops, food, and other services.
task response
Use examples that fit your point. The example about glass ceilings and windows is not clear and does not show why shopping centres should be more important than parks.
task response
Keep every paragraph on the same question. The part about tax, staff, and technology does not clearly support your view about parks and shopping centres.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: introduction with your view; one body part about parks; one body part about shopping centres; then a conclusion that repeats your view.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas clearer. Words such as “On the other hand”, “Furthermore”, and “Therefore” should show a real change or result. In some places, the next idea does not follow from the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then give a reason, an example, and a short result. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion should return to your opinion about parks and shopping centres. Do not add new ideas about human intelligence or technology at the end.
task response
You give a clear general view that shopping centres are useful because people can find many services in one place.
task response
You include some useful examples of services, such as food courts, kids’ areas, clothes shops, and home goods.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words to show the order of your ideas, such as “To begin with”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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