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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people want to buy clothes, cars and other items from famous brands. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
Most
people
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 want to create a
successful
Punctuation problem
successful,
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 intelligent person through buying expensive
items
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such
Linking Words
 as outfits, cars and others. Others want to show their social status and trust in quality.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, there are always
first
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 feelings that start from
first
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 impressions
depending
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, depending
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 on appearances.
For example
Linking Words
, if you are in
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 group of
people
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that they
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 do not know about your family, or
position
Correct determiner usage
your position
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in the
Change preposition
at
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 work,
habits
Correct determiner usage
your habits
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 and
nature
Correct determiner usage
your nature
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that
Punctuation problem
,
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 they will read you non-verbally based on your present
appearance
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.
Then
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 they talk with you and observe your actions, and their
first
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 feelings may be changed. But there are many situations where you perceive briefly defined individuals at
first
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 glance
despite
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, despite
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 their clothing and other
items
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.
For example
Linking Words
, in public places
such
Linking Words
 as restaurants and
shops
Add a comma
shops,
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 you define
people
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how
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by how
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 they behave in relation to others
regardless
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, regardless
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 of their
appearance
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.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, sometimes
appearance
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 may be shown by
individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s
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 social status
, there
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. There
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 are a lot of
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
whose
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 outfits and other things are expensive, but their character and
behavior
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behaviour
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 do not depend on it because their salary and benefits from
business
Correct article usage
the business
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 enable them to buy all
items
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 from famous brands. These
people
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 do not use their
appearance
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 in order to make an impression; it is their everyday style. Some
people
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 buy expensive
items
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 for trust in quality. They may purchase them and use them for a long time.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
Rephrase
not
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all
of
Change preposition
apply
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people
Use synonyms
do not
Rephrase
apply
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buy high-priced outfits and other
items
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 to create
impression
Correct article usage
an impression
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 as an intelligent and successful person
there
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. There
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 are other reasons to buy
items
Use synonyms
 from
a
Correct article usage
apply
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famous
brands
Punctuation problem
brands,
show examples
just noticed
Change preposition
such as
show examples
 social status and trust
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 quality.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Give clear reasons why people buy famous brands, such as good quality, social status, and the wish to look successful. Then state clearly if you think this is mainly good or bad, and explain why.
task response
Keep your main view the same from start to end. Your essay says people buy brands for many reasons, but it does not clearly say if this change is positive or negative.
task response
Use examples that directly show brand buying. For example, explain why a person may buy a famous car because it lasts longer, or buy a famous bag to look high in social rank.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: introduction, one paragraph on reasons, one paragraph on your view, and a short conclusion. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main point. The first body paragraph moves between first impressions and behaviour in public places, so the main message is not always clear.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “because”, “however”, “for example”, “therefore”, and “in contrast”. Also, make sure each sentence has a clear subject and verb.
coherence and cohesion
Improve some unclear phrases. For example, write “people may judge you by your appearance” instead of “they will read you non-verbally”, and write “famous brands” instead of “a famous brands”.
task response
You give two useful reasons for buying famous brands: showing social status and trusting the quality.
task response
You try to show that expensive items do not always show a person’s true character. This is a thoughtful point.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, including “Firstly”, “However”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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