IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The best way to provide enough homes in large cities is to build tall apartment blocks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
People believe that a housing shortage can be solved by constructing high-rise apartment blocks as a primary space-saving measure.
While
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 I agree that vertical residential offers a practical solution to central areas, I partially disagree that it is the most effective approach.
This
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 essay will explore both the merits of vertical housing and the need for suburban expansion.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, building high-rise blocks offers a practical way to maximise residential living space. The reason is that vertical construction can allow city planners to integrate not only essential amenities but
also
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 provide accommodation for residents.
For instance
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, modern apartment complexes in densely populated cities
such
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 as Saigon, Tokyo or New York often feature integrated commercial floors, enabling dwellers to fulfil their daily needs without travelling long distances.
As a result
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, these complexes solve the living shortage and enhance convenience by keeping people close to their central workplaces.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, the drawbacks of tall apartment blocks outweigh these advantages.
This
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 is because the concentration of thousands of households in a small area can cause a heavy burden on the infrastructure itself,
such
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 as
overburdens
Replace the word
overburdening
 sewage, electricity networks, and local roads.
For example
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, in Hanoi, after the Hanoi Centre complex opened, it directly contributed to chronic traffic congestion during peak hours. In effect, relying solely on high-rise buildings threatens the
overall
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 quality of urban life and creates severe safety concerns for residents.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 vertical buildings can be a immediated solution for space limitation and daily convenience, they
also
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 contribute to overcrowding and safety risks.
Therefore
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, the government should provide a solution
combine with
Wrong verb form
combining
show examples
 suburban development and transit expansion to ensure
the sustain
Replace the word
sustainable
 urban growth.

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task response
Your view is clear: tall blocks can help, but they are not the best answer alone. Make this view even clearer in the first paragraph. Say that you partly agree because tall blocks save land, but new homes also need better transport and growth outside the city.
task response
Develop the second main point more fully. Explain how growth outside the city can give people more homes without putting too much pressure on roads, water, power, and schools. This will make your answer more complete.
task response
Your Hanoi example is useful, but explain the link more carefully. Say why the new block caused more cars or more people on local roads, and how this shows the risk of building too many tall blocks in one place.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, two main paragraphs, and conclusion. Keep this shape, but make the first sentence of each main paragraph state the exact point you will prove.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not clear or are not in the right form. For example, write “overburden sewage systems, electricity networks, and local roads,” not “overburdens sewage.” Clear grammar will help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “On the one hand” works best with “On the other hand,” rather than “However.” Also, do not repeat “solution” too often; use “answer,” “plan,” or “way” where possible.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the final sentence for clear meaning: “Therefore, the government should combine high-rise housing with suburban growth and better public transport to support sustainable urban growth.”
task response
You answer the question directly and give a balanced view rather than fully agreeing or fully disagreeing.
task response
The examples from major cities and Hanoi are relevant and help show that your points are based on real city life.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea: the value of tall blocks, then the problems they may cause.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion returns to your main view and gives a clear plan for the government.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • housing shortage = not enough homes for people
  • apartment block = a large building with many flats
  • high-rise building = a very tall building
  • limited land = not much land available
  • population growth = the number of people increases
  • urban spread = the city grows into outer areas
  • public transport = buses, trains, and metro systems
  • living conditions = the quality of daily life at home
  • city planning = the way a city is designed and managed
  • green space = parks and open natural areas
  • daily needs = things people need every day
  • costly land = land that is very expensive
  • mixed housing = different kinds of homes in one area
  • sense of community = the feeling of belonging with neighbors
  • traffic pressure = too many cars on the roads
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