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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people think that modern communication technology has a negative impact on our social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

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Introduction
Most of society considers that contemporary
communication
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 technology has negative effects on face-to-face interactions. Personally, I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 view
due to
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 some plausible reasons.
Body paragraph 1
The primary reason is that the people who frequently
utilize
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utilise
show examples
 modern
communication
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 tools tend to become detached from real-life interactions.
As a result
Linking Words
, they have fewer opportunities to develop meaningful face-to-face relationships. Excessive reliance on digital
communication
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 may reduce people’s ability to communicate effectively in person.
Additionally
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, older people are generally more accustomed to face-to-face
communication
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. Modern technologies used for keeping in touch with others can be challenging for them. The older generation could not get
suffucient
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sufficient
 information through contemporary relations tools.
Furtermore
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Furthermore
, in order to network, it is crucial to
socialize
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socialise
show examples
. Individuals who are sociable are able to receive pivotal opportunities,
whereas
Linking Words
whose
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those who
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 do not communicate with others in social events suffer from a lack of opportunity.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
face to face
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face-to-face
 interactions are crucial for individuals,
Linking Words
in addition
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and they also
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 play a vital role in finding new jobs.
Therefore
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, there are negative aspects of using recent years'
intercation
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interaction
 technology.

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task response
Make your main view clear in the first part, then give two clear reasons. Your first reason is clear, but the part about older people does not fully show how technology harms social relationships.
task response
Explain each point more. For example, say how phone use at meals or meetings can stop people from talking, listening, and making close ties.
task response
Use a real or made-up example for each main point. This will make your ideas easier to understand and more convincing.
task response
Do not move to the idea of jobs unless you clearly link it to social relationships. Keep the answer focused on the question.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body part. Start with a clear topic sentence, explain it, give an example, and then link it back to the question.
coherence and cohesion
The order is mostly clear: opening, reasons, and ending. However, the older people point and the job point need smoother links to the main view.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words with care, such as “For example”, “Also”, “As a result”, and “However”. Do not join two full ideas with only a comma.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending sum up the two main reasons from the body. It should not add a new main point about finding jobs.
task response
You give a clear opinion and stay mostly on the idea that modern technology can harm direct social contact.
task response
You include useful ideas about less real-life talk and weaker in-person communication skills.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear opening and ending, and the first body part has a main reason followed by explanation.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful link words, such as “As a result”, “Additionally”, and “Therefore”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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