IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Medical professionals such as doctors and nurses from poor countries often migrate to richer countries to work. What problems arise from this situation? What measure can be taken to deal with it?

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Introduction
The majority of experts in the
health
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 sector
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
doctors
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 and nurses from developing
economies
Punctuation problem
economies,
show examples
 pursue their careers in other
countries
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 for financial purposes.
This
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 essay will examine the issues
this
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 situation
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 and suggest potential solutions to resolve
this
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 problem.
Body paragraph 1
Initially
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, poor
countries
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 will face challenges in covering
health
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 services to citizens
due to
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 the lack of medical professionals; to put it differently, the
the
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apply
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quality of life will drop drastically as
doctors
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 and nurses migrate.
In addition
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, governments will not receive sufficient income tax from them to operate hospitals and enhance the infrastructure, which will potentially result in the closure of a large proportion of hospitals.
For instance
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, the massive migration of
doctors
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 and nurses from India to various
countries
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 globally resulted in approximately 1220 hospital closures
due to
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 the lack of capital for operation.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, governments should impose high fees on medical experts who work overseas for the purpose of letting them contribute to the development of the
health
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 sector in their nation.
Moreover
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, business
fascilitation
Correct your spelling
facilitation
 is required, which means if any doctor
is deciding
Wrong verb form
decides
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 to start a private clinic or hospital, the government should not take
corporation
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corporate
 tax in order to persuade him to stay. A clear example of
this
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 can be seen in Turkey, where clinic and
health
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center
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centre
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 owners do not pay taxes to the government and use that money for improving the quality of services.
Consequently
Linking Words
, thousands of Turkish
doctors
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 rejected attractive opportunities from
countries
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 like Germany and France
,
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apply
show examples
 and decided to pursue their careers in their home country.
Conclusion
In conclusion, migration of
health
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 experts will result
to
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in
show examples
 severe financial burdens for the state, which will lead to closing various
health
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centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. Possible measures are supporting them to open their own enterprises, and imposing a leave tax on whoever migrates.

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task response
You answer both parts: the problems and the ways to deal with them. However, some ideas need more care. Explain more clearly how fewer doctors lead to worse care, longer waits, and more deaths. The point about less tax leading to many hospital closures is not fully clear.
task response
Make the solutions more fair and practical. Very high fees for people who leave may make them leave faster or stop people from becoming doctors. You could add better pay, safe work places, more training, and deals with rich countries to help pay for new staff.
task response
Use examples with care. The India and Turkey examples sound very exact, but they are not explained or proved. It is safer to use a general example, or clearly say that it is an example rather than a fact.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part form: start, problems, solutions, and end. Keep this form, but make each main idea easier to follow with a clear first sentence and one full explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Words such as 'Initially', 'Furthermore', and 'Consequently' are useful, but do not use them only to start a paragraph. Show the link between the cause and the result inside the paragraph too.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea in the last paragraph. The end should briefly restate the two main problems and the two main ways to help, in clear and direct words.
task response
You give a direct answer to both questions and stay on the health worker topic.
task response
You include clear ideas about poor care in poor countries and support for doctors who want to work at home.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraphs are well separated, and the reader can easily see where the problems end and the solutions begin.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the conclusion returns to the main points.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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