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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

companies permitting work from home. positive or negative development

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Introduction
Nowadays, a lot of companies are permitting their
employees
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 to
work
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 from
home
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.
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
this
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 trend might have some drawbacks like hectic
home
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- office
work
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 balance and
communication
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, I believe that certain benefits like energy conservation at
office
Correct article usage
the office
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,
home
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comfortability
Replace the word
comfort
, and
relaxed
Correct article usage
a relaxed
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 environment make
this
Linking Words
 a positive development.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, working from
home
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 is a great advancement made by companies to
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 better
work
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 efficiency.
Employees
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 can
work
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 from their
home
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 comfortably in a relaxed environment
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will improve their
work
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 efficiency
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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also
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, they can
close
Verb problem
be close
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 to their loved ones at the same time.
Moreover
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, with
reduced
Correct article usage
a reduced
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 number of physically present
employees
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 in the company, they save electricity, resources, and less manpower needed in the company
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 benefits them financially.
For example
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, with
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
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 people in the
building
Punctuation problem
building,
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 there will be
low
Correct word choice
lower
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 electricity usage,
cleanliness
Correct word choice
and cleanliness
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 and maintenance
staffs
Check wording
staff
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 can be reduced.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
employees
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 who prefer working from
home
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 might
also
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 have to face some
communication
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 issues
and
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, and
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 difficulty in
balacing
Correct your spelling
balancing
 personal and
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work related
Correct your spelling
work-related
 things. With everyone working online,
communication
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 between people is completely dependent on
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 and cell reception
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is not accessible at every place,
this
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 could lead to delayed
communication
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.
Furthermore
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, when at
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home
Punctuation problem
home,
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employees
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 will have to attend to personal chores and
also
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 manage
work
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 at the same time
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can be difficult. Both of these issues could be managed by proper
communication
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 and by arranging a better internet
connections
Fix the agreement mistake
connection
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
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Although
Replace the word
although working
work
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 from
home
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 might have some drawbacks in terms of
commuication
Correct your spelling
communication
 and
work
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 balance, I believe that energy conservation and
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
show examples
 environment make
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work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 from
a
Check wording
home a
show examples
positive development.

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task response
Your answer gives a clear view: you think working from home is a positive change. You also discuss both good and bad sides, so you answer all parts of the question.
task response
Make your main reasons more fully explained. For example, say how a calm home can help some people do more work, but also note that this may not be true for people with young children or a noisy home.
task response
The point about saving power and money is useful, but explain it more clearly. Companies may need less office space, lights, heating, cleaning, and other daily costs.
task response
Use a more real and clear example. Instead of only saying there are fewer people in the building, give one short case, such as a company that lets half its staff work at home and then uses less power and cleaning time.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, good points, bad points, and ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body paragraph. In the first body paragraph, work output, comfort, family time, and office costs are all put together. Split these ideas more clearly, or link them with a stronger topic sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas need to be smoother. For example, after saying home work can improve work output, explain why before moving to office costs.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending repeats your view well, but it says 'work from a positive development.' Change this to 'working from home is a positive development.'
coherence and cohesion
Check key word forms and spelling because they can make the flow less clear: 'Although' should not have a comma after it here; use 'achieve', 'balancing', 'communication', and 'staff' rather than 'staffs'.
task response
You take a clear position from the start and keep the same view until the end.
task response
You include both sides of the issue, with useful points about home comfort, company costs, online contact, and the balance between home and work.
coherence and cohesion
The use of 'Firstly', 'Moreover', 'On the other hand', 'Furthermore', and 'In conclusion' helps show the order of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear general purpose, and the final paragraph gives a direct ending.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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