IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on the task. Some people think that there is no need to travel to work anymore because businesses can use the internet to communicate. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that there is no need to travel to work anymore because businesses can use the internet to communicate. Others disagree. So, we are going to discuss both these views and give my own opinion.
In addition
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will give reasons for my answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, some
people
Use synonyms
 agree to travel to work to increase their skills.
Linking Words
for
Capitalize the proper name
For
show examples
 example, management
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and leadership that I had
attend
Wrong verb form
attended
show examples
 recently in gulf innovation academy to enhance my performance.The reason for that we need
to face to face
Correct your spelling
face-to-face
 communication for better result as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online provide 80% out of 100%. From my point of view, I recommended some budget development to
mange
Use the right word
manage
show examples
 that.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, online communication provides time reduction and budget consumption. Because of the hybrid approach that needs to be minimum money.
For instance
Linking Words
, during my journey to India, I enjoyed
studied
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 my courses through the internet and that give me some confidence and
boost
Correct article usage
a boost
show examples
 for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 future. In my opinion, it is suitable for
non- worthy
Correct your spelling
unworthy
people
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both of them are active
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some limit depend on
individual’s
Correct article usage
the individual’s
show examples
need
Check wording
needs
show examples
. In turn, that will activate
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 attention for betterment.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides more fully. Explain why some jobs can be done online, such as office work, and why other jobs need people to go to work, such as health care, building, or shop work.
task response
Give your own view in a clear way. You can say that online work is good for some jobs, but travel to work is still needed for many jobs.
task response
Use examples that directly show your point. Your trip to India is useful, but explain how online study or online work saved time or money.
task response
Avoid ideas that are not clear, such as “non-worthy people” and “budget development”. Use simple, clear words to say exactly what you mean.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part about one main idea. Start with the view that people do not need to travel to work. Then write the other view. After that, give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas, for example: “On the one hand”, “For example”, “However”, and “As a result”.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the task in the first part. Start with a short answer to the main topic instead.
coherence and cohesion
Make sentences complete and easy to follow. Check full stops, capital letters, and spaces after punctuation.
task response
You try to discuss both online communication and face-to-face work.
task response
You include personal examples from a course and from travel.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a beginning, two main parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “To begin with”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: