IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Many young people presently know more about international celebrities than famous people from their histroy. What are the causes? Give solutions to increase awareness of impactful people in history.

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Introduction
Languages are too much in
this
Linking Words
 world
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 if some of them
are
Verb problem
apply
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die
Punctuation problem
die,
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 thats mean no
one
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still
Wrong verb form
will
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 speak
on
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apply
show examples
it. In my opinion, I think a few
language
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 is better because we will
easier
Verb problem
find it easier
show examples
 to understand
eachother
Correct your spelling
each other
.
For
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example
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, a few
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language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
 make
people
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 try to learn another
language
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.
Body paragraph 1
The advantages of
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 languages is easy to learn another
one
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 because everyone has learn his
language
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 and can learn another
one
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 without forgot his
language
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.
For
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example
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,
Some
Fix capitalization
some
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people
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 he wants to learn as much as he can to
has
Wrong verb form
have
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 a more communicate to another
people
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.
another
Capitalize the word
Another
show examples
 reason,
People
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 can communicate
easier
Rephrase
more easily
show examples
 than
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
lot of
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language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
.
For
Linking Words
example
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 ,
Some
Fix capitalization
some
show examples
people
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 he doesn't need to learn brazil
language
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 because the spanish
one
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 its enough.
Body paragraph 2
The
disadvantges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 of
Have
Wrong verb form
having
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 a few
language
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 some
people
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 will feel sad because the
language
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 mean to much
for
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to them
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
example
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, if the
arabian
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Arabic
language
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 die the
arabian
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Arabic
people
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will forget
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 traditional and special things they believe in . Another reason
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 Some religion will
effect on
Use the right word
affect
show examples
this
Linking Words
language
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 .
For
Linking Words
example
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,
If
Fix capitalization
if
show examples
 the
arabian
Correct your spelling
Arabic
language
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 die the
people
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 can't understand the quran at next hundred years because
its
Verb problem
it's
show examples
 difficult.
Conclusion
In
cunclosion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
Every
Fix capitalization
every
show examples
language
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 has a special
mean
Replace the word
means
 to
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. If the
language
Use synonyms
 die we will forget a lot of things.

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task response
Answer the given question about why young people know more about stars from other countries than people from history. Your essay is about languages, so it does not answer the task.
task response
Write clear causes, such as social media, films, news, and school work that gives too little time to history. Then give ways to help, such as better history lessons, short online videos, museum trips, and TV shows about key people from history.
task response
Make each main idea clear and explain how it helps. For example, say that schools can use stories and films about people from history, so young people can see why their work still matters today.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, main parts, and an ending. Keep this clear plan, but make every part fit the same topic.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each paragraph. Start with a clear first line, explain the idea, and then give one example. Do not repeat the same example about Arabic in more than one part.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to show the order of your ideas: First, Also, However, For example, and In conclusion. Check that each link joins ideas that are about the same subject.
coherence and cohesion
Make your sentences easier to follow. For example, change “Some people he wants to learn as much as he can” to “Some people want to learn many languages.”
task response
You give both good and bad sides of having fewer languages, and you try to use examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear ending that returns to your main point: languages are important to their people.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks and link words such as “For example” and “In conclusion,” which helps the reader see your plan.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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