children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. few people believe taht goverment has the responsibility to solve this problem. to what extent do you agree or disagree.
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic → Introduction
becomingVerb problem
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fat and unhealthy. People believe that has the responsibility to solve the problem. I agree with them because
should eat specific food to grow up and have
a Correct article usage
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good
.
Body paragraph 1
I agree because some parents don't care about the that eaten by their
childrenPunctuation problem
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even if it
fullVerb problem
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of sugar or fat.
, some parents
they allowed toWrong verb form
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their
to drink soda or
eatingWrong verb form
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fast food.
leadCorrect subject-verb agreement
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to
bloodCorrect word choice
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sugar and
makeCorrect subject-verb agreement
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them fat and unhealthy.
governmentCorrect article usage
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should ask
from Change preposition
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grocery
underCheck wording
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ten years he can't buy a sweets or
sodaCheck wording
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because it is the main
reasonCheck wording
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of
overweightVerb problem
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. third
Conclusion
inCapitalize the word
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conclusion, the government is the third parent of
childCorrect article usage
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andPunctuation problem
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they should take care of them because they are the future of
countryCorrect article usage
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.
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Make your view clear in the first part. Say if you fully agree or partly agree, then keep this view in all parts.
Answer all parts of the question. Explain how the government can help, but also say what parents, schools, and food shops can do.
Develop each main point. Do not stop after one short reason. Add why it matters and what result it may have for children.
Use more clear examples. For example, say that the government can limit ads for food with much sugar, or give schools healthy meals.
Use a clear four-part plan: first part with your view, one body part for the first reason, one body part for the next reason, and a short final part.
Start each body part with one clear main idea. Then add an example and an explanation before moving to the next idea.
Link ideas with simple words such as First, Also, For example, As a result, and In conclusion. Make sure each link shows the right meaning.
Finish incomplete ideas. The word “third” starts a new point, but no point follows it. This makes the essay feel unfinished.
Make sentences easier to follow. For example: “Some parents allow their children to drink soda and eat fast food.”
You give a clear view that the government should help solve the problem.
You use food with sugar, soda, and fast food as real examples of causes of poor health.
Your essay has a beginning, main ideas, and a final part.
You try to order your ideas with words such as “First”, “Second”, and “In conclusion”.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite