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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The graph represent an information about the number of
jobs
Use synonyms
 in four different sectors of the economy in the United States, during a period of 60 years, between the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1960 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the manufacturing sector is significantly higher
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to retail, agriculture and the healthcare sector. At first sight, it is true that the manufacturing field is more present than the others branch during almost 50 years
, we
Punctuation problem
. We
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
 see a
pick
Use the right word
peak
show examples
 in 1980 with 20
Use synonyms
millions of
Replace the word
million
jobs
Use synonyms
, and
then
Linking Words
 we can observe
an important
Correct word choice
a significant
show examples
 decrease
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to agriculture and healthcare
than
Punctuation problem
, than
show examples
 increased step by step
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
Linking Words
finally
Replace the word
a final total of
 almost 15
Use synonyms
millions of
Check wording
million
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period. So, contrary to the others, the agriculture sector is clearly decreasing with only 5
Use synonyms
millions of
Replace the word
million
jobs
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the period and ending with approximately 3
millions
Use synonyms
 of job
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is very low
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the others.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words jobs, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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