In some countries, the number of people visiting art galleries is reducing. What do you think the reasons for this are? How can we solve this problem?

4.5 / 9
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In recent years, many
art
Use synonyms
galleries
Use synonyms
in some countries
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
facing a decline in the number of visitors. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will discuss the reasons for
this
Linking Words
problem
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
I will present the solution for it.
Body paragraph 1
The most important reason is
many
Correct word choice
that many
show examples
people
Use synonyms
believe that
art
Use synonyms
galleries
Use synonyms
are designed for wealthy
people
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, they think that they need to be a rich human to buy a painting, because many
art
Use synonyms
galleries
Use synonyms
are located in the capital cities, and some
galleries
Use synonyms
involve
Verb problem
exhibit
show examples
invaluable
paintings
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, there are many
art
Use synonyms
galleries
Use synonyms
around the world
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
show examples
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
a high
price
Use synonyms
for their
paintings
Use synonyms
. So
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
prefer another place to
art
Use synonyms
galleries
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
The solution for
this
Linking Words
problem,
galleries
Use synonyms
should set a
price
Use synonyms
limit for almost
Use synonyms
paintings
Correct determiner usage
all paintings
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, governments must put a maximum
price
Use synonyms
for buying process.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
galleries
Use synonyms
have to present their shows
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
social media, and provide an offer to transport
people
Use synonyms
to their festivals, because a lot of
people
Use synonyms
like to go
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
new place, if
this
Linking Words
place does not cost a lot of many. These strategies may encourage visitors to visit
art
Use synonyms
galleries
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and attract them to buy affordable
paintings
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, fewer
people
Use synonyms
visit
art
Use synonyms
galleries
Use synonyms
in some countries, because many
people
Use synonyms
think that
art
Use synonyms
galleries
Use synonyms
for
Verb problem
are for
show examples
healthy
human
Check wording
people
show examples
. Governments and
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
galleries
Use synonyms
should be
to
Correct word choice
able to
show examples
select a maximum
price
Use synonyms
for
paintings
Use synonyms
, and provide transportation to their shows and festivals. These approaches will increase the number
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
to visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
galleries
Use synonyms
and
share to
Verb problem
help
show examples
solve
this
Linking Words
problem.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more fully. Give more than one clear reason for fewer visits, such as high cost, long travel, little free time, or people watching art online.
task response
Your main reason is clear, but the idea about buying paintings is not strong. People can visit many galleries without buying art. Focus on why people do not want to visit.
task response
Make each solution match a reason. For example, if travel is hard, offer free buses. If people think galleries are only for rich people, offer free days and art events for all people.
task response
Use real and clear examples. Instead of saying that galleries show high prices, describe a free weekend event, a school visit, or a bus from the city center.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction, reasons, solutions, and conclusion. Keep all reasons in one part and all solutions in the next part.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main part with one clear first sentence. Then explain the idea and give one example. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words used in the right way: 'because', 'for example', 'as a result', and 'therefore'. Do not use 'So that' when you mean 'therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last part shorter and clearer. Repeat your two main points in new words, without adding unclear new ideas.
task response
You answer both the reasons and solutions parts of the question.
task response
You give useful solution ideas, such as social media and help with travel.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as 'In addition', 'Furthermore', and 'For example'.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital entertainment
  • cultural access
  • exhibitions
  • streaming services
  • financial constraints
  • leisure activities
  • interactive experiences
  • immersive
  • marketing strategies
  • outreach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: