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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Technology is becoming progressively universal. In the fullness of time. The classroom will be totally substituted for technology. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Technological advancements are transforming many fields, especially
education
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. It is predicted that classes will be fully changed into modern technologies. From my perspective, I firmly agree with the presented statement.
Body paragraph 1
Initially
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, the use of technology in
education
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 enhances the
the
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apply
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learning for students because it illustrates definitions and calculations better than teachers, as teachers mostly use traditional methods of educating.
In addition
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, it ensures a safe environment from the harsh criticism of some educators; if any learner did not understand a specific concept, he clicks the clarification button and receive detailed explanations and examples.
For instance
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, the ChatGPT
education
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 version, where each student is given a device that contains
this
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 application
and provide
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provides
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 fast, convenient, and understandable information.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, governments pay substantial finances for teachers' salaries and training juniors; to put it differently
;
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,
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 replacing them with digital educators is an attractive long-term investment. The capital saved could be spent on developing the infrastructure of schools and enhancing the quality of
education
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.
Moreover
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, teaching in recent years is becoming
decreasingly
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increasingly less
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 demanded by fresh graduates, as financial compensation is notably less than
other
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in other
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 sectors,
such
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 as the financial and research sectors. A clear example of
this
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 can be seen in recent graduates in theoretical studies, where a large proportion of them are pursuing a master's degree in finance or accounting for the purpose of escaping from the educational sector.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the global widespread
of
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use of
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 technology is leading to
using it
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its use
 in
education
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 as an essential driver; factors like learning quality, expenditure reduction, and unattractive wages can absolutely lead to the full substitution of classrooms.

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task response
State your main view more clearly: you agree that technology will replace classrooms, not only help them. Then explain why a real classroom and teacher are no longer needed.
task response
Develop each main point further. For example, explain how a student can learn, ask questions, practise, and get help at home with technology.
task response
Your ChatGPT example is useful, but make it more real and complete. Explain how it gives help to many students at the same time and how this can replace part of a lesson.
task response
Be careful with broad claims. Technology may explain some ideas well, but it does not always explain better than every teacher. Add a clear reason or a limit to make your view more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, two main parts, and conclusion. Keep one main idea in each body paragraph and link every example directly to that idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words more naturally. For example: “First”, “Also”, “As a result”, and “However”. Do not use many long linking phrases when a short one is enough.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because they are too long or joined with a semicolon. Split them into two short sentences, especially in the second body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same meaning in the conclusion. Sum up your two reasons in clear words, then restate your view once.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep the same view throughout the essay.
task response
You use two relevant reasons: better learning help for students and lower costs for governments.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Initially”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion” help show the order of your ideas.
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