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Writing Samples
Band 5

Artificial intelligence will soon replace many human jobs. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Nowadays, artificail
intelligence
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 spread around the world signifcintally as time goes on and
people
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 starte to rely on it to help them in routine tasks to make it easier and more fast,
however
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 I gree that Al will
work
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instead
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 of human in some spesfic
jobs
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 like manufacturing , teaching and counselling and many other but I believe should be with human oversight specially with sensitive
jobs
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 ,which require a high concentration ,
such
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 as medical operations.
Body paragraph 1
In these
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These
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 days ,
Al
Check wording
AI
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 has
became
Wrong verb form
become
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 very common and fundamental for
people
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 to help
people
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 in their
work
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 in several aspects.
This
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 is because AI can perform routine tasks quickly and accurately, thereby increasing productivity and improving the quality of
work
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.
For example
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 , many companies started to fire their employees and replaced them
by
Change preposition
with
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 robots specially car manufacturing
to
Punctuation problem
, to
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rise
Verb problem
increase
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 their productivity and profits.
Moreover
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, AI can reduce labour costs because, unlike human
workers
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, it does not require a monthly
salary.AI
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salary. AI
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 is more efficient than human
workers
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 because it can perform multiple tasks continuously,
while
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 human employees need regular breaks.
Body paragraph 2
In
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On
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 the other
side
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hand
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, AI does not have the ability to
work
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 without human oversight to avoid any
mistaks
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mistakes
.
This
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 is because AI lacks emotional
intelligence
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 and moral responsibility , which are
consider
Wrong verb form
considered
show examples
 necessary in
jobs
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,
such
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 as
therapist
Correct article usage
a therapist
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 ,counselling or teaching,in
fact
Add a comma
fact,
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people
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 in these
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of
jobs
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 need to feel comfortable and confident
and
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, and
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 that can human provide it because they have emotional traits.
For instance
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, in the judiciary, we cannot have artificial
intelligence
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 replace human
workers
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 because
this
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 job requires critical thinking and careful analysis, which artificial
intelligence
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 cannot provide.
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Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
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 I believe that AI can help employees in their
jobs
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 with human observation to reduce mistakes.
Conclusion
In conclusion, AI can
work
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instead
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 of human
workers
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 with high
prodactivity
Correct your spelling
productivity
 and less cost , and
also
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 it can
work
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 much better than labour in some positions because it does not feel tired
unlike
Punctuation problem
, unlike
show examples
 human and it can
work
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multipul
Correct your spelling
multiple
jobs
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 ,
although
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 I think AI cannot without human oversight
specially
Rephrase
, especially
show examples
 in
sensitives
Replace the word
sensitive
jobs
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 , which require emotional traits and critical thinking.

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task response
Give your view more clearly in the first part. You agree that AI will take some jobs, but you also say people must watch it. State this main view in one short, clear sentence.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain why AI is good for factory work, then explain why it is not good for jobs such as teaching, therapy, medicine, and law.
task response
Use examples that fully support your point. The car factory example is useful, but explain what jobs robots can do there and what people still need to do.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: opening, two main parts, and ending. Make the first sentence of each main part show the main point more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. For example, use “On the other hand” instead of “In the other side”, and do not put too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same point about human oversight in many places. Say it once in the second main part, support it with an example, and then restate it shortly in the ending.
coherence and cohesion
Check word use and spelling, as these can make ideas hard to follow. For example: “artificial”, “significantly”, “agree”, “specific”, “mistakes”, “productivity”, and “multiple”.
task response
You answer both sides of the question: AI can do routine work, but people are still needed for important and sensitive work.
task response
Your examples about car factories and the law are linked to your main ideas and help the reader understand your view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear opening and ending, and the two main parts each focus on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as “For example”, “Moreover”, “Therefore”, and “In conclusion”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • replace jobs
  • save time
  • cut costs
  • human skills
  • creative work
  • job loss
  • social problems
  • daily life
  • health care
  • public safety
  • moral choice
  • human contact
  • learn new skills
  • worker support
  • fair use
  • long-term benefit
  • short-term problem
  • technology change
  • office tasks
  • factory jobs
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