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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below shows the proportion of energy produced from four different sources in a European country in 2000, 2010, and 2020.

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The given bar chart compares the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of energy produced from four different sources in a specific EU nation in three years (2000, 2010, and 2020).
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 two out of four figures showed an upward trajectory throughout the period,
whereas
Linking Words
 coal and
gas
Use synonyms
 experienced a downward trend over the given data. It is
also
Linking Words
 evident that coal had the highest proportion in the initial year,
while
Linking Words
 solar & wind witnessed the most dramatic rise among the others. In detail, the share of coal accounted for 42% in 2000, compared with 28% for
gas
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the figure for coal declined slightly to 30% by 2010,
whereas
Linking Words
gas
Use synonyms
 rose by 4
percentage
Use synonyms
 points, reaching its peak of 32% over the decade.
Moreover
Linking Words
, coal by 2020 fell
gradully
Correct your spelling
gradually
 to 15%, and
gas
Use synonyms
 after reaching its peak declined to 20% in 2020.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend, the remaining sources, namely nuclear and solar & wind, both of which experienced an increase throughout the years.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, nuclear represented 18% at the beginning of the data, before rising steadily to 24% over the decade.
Similarly
Linking Words
, by the end of the timeframe
nuclear
Punctuation problem
, nuclear
show examples
 grew by 1
percentage
Use synonyms
 point, to 25%,
whereas
Linking Words
 solar & wind
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
 had the lowest fraction at 12% in 2000, before rising dramatically by 28
percentage
Use synonyms
 points, to 40%, making it the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 by the end of the timescale.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, gas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.
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