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Band 7

The line graph below gives information on cinema attendance in the UK.

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The line graph gives information about four age categories in terms of cinema attendance in the UK between 2000 and 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
while
Linking Words
 the 35 and
cover
Use the right word
over
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trend
Use synonyms
 has a stable increase,
Linking Words
however
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
15-24, 7-14 and 25 -35
rised
Wrong verb form
rose
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 with fluctuations. As the line graph shows,
people
Check wording
the number of people
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 who are 35 and cover starting point was at 1 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2000,
then
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this
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trend
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 increased steadily to 3 per
cent
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 in 2004. After that,
this
Linking Words
figure
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 grew to 8 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2008.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
figure
Use synonyms
 rose to 12 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2011. Regarding people who are 25-35
trend
Use synonyms
 starting point of the
trend
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 was 4 per
cent
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 in 2000. In 2004,
this
Linking Words
figure
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 increased slightly to 10 per
cent
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. After that, there was a fluctuation between 2006 and 2010,
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
trend
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 went up to 30 per
cent
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 in 2011. Coming to the 25-35 age category, it was 10 per
cent
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 in 2000. After that, there was a fluctuation between 2002 and 2011. In 2000, people who were 15-24 started at 16 per
cent
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.
This
Linking Words
figure
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 climbed moderately to 31 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2004,
then
Linking Words
 there were fluctuations between 2004 and 2011.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 86%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words trend, cent, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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