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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

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Introduction
Nowadays, some professional
athletes
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 are more likely to
utilize
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utilise
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 banned
substances
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, like
steroids
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to
Punctuation problem
, to
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 enhance their
sport
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sports
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 performance.
This
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 phenomenon happened because it’s easier to win using
steroids
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, and in order to prevent
this
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,
athletes
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 should get random
drug
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test
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tests
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 more frequently.
Body paragraph 1
The majority of
athletes
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 have a desire to be exceptional at their sport and ultimately, dominate the competition –
this
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 is why they opt to use enhanced drugs. Each athlete will do anything to gain a competitive advantage over their competitors – it doesn’t matter how small that advantage is.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that at the professional levels, the gap between each athlete is not that drastic.
Hence
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,
steroids
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 and similar
substances
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 provide a slight but profound impact
for
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on
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athletes
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’ performance.
For instance
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, in the 2000s, the greatest cyclist of all time tested positive for
enhancing
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performance-enhancing
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 drugs, resulting in a worldwide scandal. Afterwards, people started to question the validity of his previous achievements.
Body paragraph 2
In order to prevent similar events from happening,
athletes
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 from any professional
sports
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sport
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 should receive more random
drug
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 tests or blood work. One of the most effective ways to know whether a person is using banned
substances
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 is by getting their blood tested
,
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;
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as a result
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, doctors can find out what chemicals are in their blood. If
sport
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sports
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 associations start enforcing
this
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 procedure at a more frequent rate,
athletes
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 will have
less
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fewer
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 opportunities to inject themselves with these illicit drugs,
hence
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 solving
this
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 problem.
For example
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,
this
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 process is well-known among MMA
athletes
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. Because of the sport’s nature, it’s life-threatening for the opponents if
athletes
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decided
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decide
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 to use
steroids
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. That’s why it’s normal for
athletes
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 to get
drug
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 tested prior to a match or during their recovery time.
Conclusion
In conclusion, because of the desire to win and dominate their sports,
athletes
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 will not hesitate to use any tactics, including banned
substances
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.
Therefore
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, they should undergo the random
drug
Use synonyms
 testing procedure more often.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question: the cause and the solution. To make the answer stronger, add one more cause, such as money, fame, or pressure from teams and fans.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but explain the solution in more detail. Say who should give the tests, what should happen after a failed test, and why this will stop drug use.
task response
Your cycling example supports the cause, but it is not very exact. Also, the MMA example shows testing, but it does not clearly show that more tests reduce drug use. Use examples that directly support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, cause, solution, and conclusion. Keep this simple plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are used too often, especially “hence” and “as a result.” Use simple links such as “therefore,” “because,” “for this reason,” and “also.”
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences are long and hold several ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences to make the meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each body part state the main point more directly. For example: “One main cause is the strong wish to win.” Then explain it and give an example.
task response
You give a clear cause: athletes want an edge over other players. This fits the question well.
task response
You give a practical solution: more random drug and blood tests. You also explain how tests can find banned drugs.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly shows the two main parts of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part stays focused on one main idea, so the reader can follow your answer easily.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion restates the main cause and solution in a clear way.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Performance-enhancing drugs (PEDs)
  • Doping
  • Anti-doping regulations
  • Detection methods
  • Ban substances
  • Ethical issues
  • Health risks
  • Fair play
  • Sportsmanship
  • Stakes
  • Pressure to succeed
  • Enforcement
  • Awareness programs
  • Testing frequency
  • Entourage
  • Science advancement
  • Financial gains
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