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Writing Samples
Band 5

(gt) Nowadays, an increasing number of people are choosing ready made meals rather than preparing food at home. This trend has become common among busy professionals and students. Although convenience foods offer several benefits, I believe that their disadvantages are more significant

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Introduction
.
Body paragraph 1
One major advantage of ready-made
food
Use synonyms
 is the amount of time it saves. People with demanding jobs or busy family schedules can simply purchase a meal and eat it without spending time shopping for ingredients, cooking and washing dishes.
This
Linking Words
 can be especially useful for those who work long hours and have limited opportunities to prepare
meals
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, ready-to-eat
food
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 provides considerable variety, allowing consumers to enjoy dishes from different cuisines without
need
Correct article usage
the need
show examples
 for cooking
food
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Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, there are several serious drawbacks. First and foremost, many processed
meals
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 contain excessive amounts of salt, sugar, unhealthy fats and preservatives. Regular consumption of
such
Linking Words
food
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 may increase the risk of obesity, diabetes and other lifestyle-related health problems.
In contrast
Linking Words
, home-cooked
meals
Use synonyms
 generally enable people to control the quality and quantity of ingredients. Another concern is the financial cost.
Although
Linking Words
 an
individual ready-made
Correct word choice
individual-ready
show examples
 meal may seem affordable, purchasing
such
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 frequently can be considerably more expensive than preparing
meals
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 from basic ingredients at home.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 ready-to-eat
food
Use synonyms
 is undeniably convenient and time-saving, I believe its negative effects on health, finances and family life outweigh these benefits.
Therefore
Linking Words
, people should treat convenience
meals
Use synonyms
 as an occasional option rather than a regular substitute for home cooking.

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task response
Your main view is clear: the bad sides are stronger than the good sides. To make it stronger, add one real or clear example for health, cost, or family life.
task response
You talk about health and money well, but family life appears only in the last paragraph. Add a short point about it in the main body, or remove it from the end.
task response
Explain the food variety point a little more. For example, say why trying food from other places is useful for busy people.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: good points, bad points, then your final view. Each paragraph has one main job, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words well, but add a few more links inside long parts. For example: “As a result”, “For this reason”, or “This means that” can show the link between an idea and its result.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure every point in the final paragraph has appeared before. This will make the essay feel more connected.
language
Check small missing words. Write “without the need to cook” or “without needing to cook”, not “without need for cooking food”.
task response
You answer the whole question and give a clear opinion from the start to the end.
task response
Your health and money points are clear and well explained. The contrast with home-made food is useful.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending are both clear, and the ending directly states your final view.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Furthermore”, “However”, “In contrast”, and “Therefore” help the reader follow your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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