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Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. other believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be usefull in the future, such as those relates to science and technology. discuss both views and give your own poinion.

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Introduction
The university provides a variety of diverse majors, whether practical, theoretical, or creative
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
However
Linking Words
, despite the fact that each individual is talented in a specific area, I firmly believe that learners must pursue a degree that helps them to succeed in the job market.
Body paragraph 1
Initially
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, proponents of motivating students to
study
Use synonyms
 what interests them point out that they will be creative and enthusiastic to learn about the field they aspire
; to
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to; to
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 put it differently, they will not have a sense of doing a
routitional
Correct your spelling
routine
 occupation.
Conversely
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,
this
Linking Words
 may open business opportunities to them and contribute to the development of that particular field.
For instance
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, a recent
study
Use synonyms
 from Oxford
university
Capitalize the proper name
University
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 revealed that learners who
study
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 what they are interested in are more likely to become executive leaders in that major in the future.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, college is a long-term investment, which has risks and rewards.
Therefore
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, students should become experts in a pioneer degree or sector.
Moreover
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, they could learn what they like with self-directed learning using different channels and applications, which will ensure a stable and bright future with
descent
Replace the word
decent
 knowledge
on
Change preposition
in
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 the area they are curious about. A clear example of
this
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 can be seen in most American universities, where the first two years of studying are allocated for a variety of subjects
learners
Correct pronoun usage
that learners
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 are interested in.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 giving people freedom on what to
study
Use synonyms
 could have amazing
potentials
Check wording
potential
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, I hold the view that they should be pursuing something beneficial in the future,
such
Linking Words
 as scientific and technological studies.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view clearly. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why science and technology are more useful for the future. Also, say more about why other subjects can still be useful to people and society.
task response
Your main point is clear, but some ideas need closer support. For example, explain how a degree linked to jobs leads to a better future, and why this should be more important than personal interest.
task response
Use examples that directly prove your point. The Oxford study is not fully explained, and the example about American universities does not clearly show why students should choose future-useful subjects.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are not fully clear. In the second body part, the point about self-study and the point about American universities need a clearer link to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words carefully, such as “because”, “as a result”, “for example”, and “however”. Make sure each new sentence adds to the point in the same paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. Start with a clear topic sentence, then explain it, and then give one clear example.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you discuss both sides and state your own view.
task response
Your opinion is clear from the introduction and stays the same in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is clear: first one view, then the other view, followed by your final opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks and linking words such as “Initially”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion” well.
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