The availability of entertainment such as video games on handled devices are harmful to individuals and to the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In
this
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modern era, the problem of means of entertainment has become one of the most acute problem to the general public.
While
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some individuals argue that online games have negative impacts on people, especially the youth, and
also
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on society as a whole, I partly disagree with
this
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opinion.
This
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essay aims to provide a comprehensive analysis of both views before offering my own viewpoint.
Body paragraph 1
Examining the harmful effects that available online pastimes have, since they're addictive, various youngsters nowadays spend more of their time on screen rather than doing outdoor activities.
As a result
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, they tend to be less active and isolate themselves from family and friends.
As a result
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, the relationship between them might be disrupted by a lack of interaction, leading to people living in a sedentary society.
Furthermore
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, they might
also
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be prone to
have
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a
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higher risk of certain mental and physical well-being issues
due to
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the lack of exercise. To illustrate, too much screen time, understandably, drives them depressed and anxious.
Therefore
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, it causes the downgrade of health, burdening the nation's healthcare system and public funding.
Body paragraph 2
In contrast
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, negative or not, portable games are still advantageous in many ways. Individually, available entertainment serves as an emotional outlet for folks.
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is because sorts of online entertainment in recent times
is
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are
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accessible as individuals can purchase them either in person at stores or on sales businesses' websites. Unsurprisingly, workers are able to decompress and unwind after a hard-working day. Because of that, they play a vital role in tackling depression and stress levels among employees,
therefore
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increasing enterprises' productivity and profit, prompting the country's economic growth.
Moreover
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, teamwork pastimes are
also
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a considerable way for residents to improve their soft skills.
Due to
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the fact that team games, like Valorant or Free Fire, require a great need for communication, cooperation and creativity between teammates.
This
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led to the creation of global communities, where players from all over the world are capable of connecting with each other through online forums or chats.
Conclusion
Overall
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,
although
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portable means of amusement can create certain problems for either the general public or individuals, mentioning addiction, physical and psychological health risks, I believe that the benefits, particularly worldly bonding or economic enhancement, outweigh the drawbacks.

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task response
Your view is clear: you partly disagree. However, say more clearly how far you agree. For example, explain that games are harmful when use is too long, but useful when people control their time.
task response
Develop each main idea with a more direct link to the question. The point about business profit and country growth is possible, but it feels too far from games on hand-held devices. Give more space to direct effects on people and society.
task response
Use one or two real, clear examples. For instance, a student who plays late at night may sleep less, while a worker may play for a short time after work to rest.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the first line of each body part state one main point in a simple way.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid using 'As a result' many times in the same part. Use other links such as 'This can mean', 'For this reason', or join the ideas in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hard to follow. Break them into shorter sentences. This will make the link between cause and effect clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. Choose one term, such as 'mobile games' or 'games on hand-held devices', instead of changing between 'pastimes', 'entertainment', and 'portable games'.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view in the introduction and the ending.
task response
You include clear ideas about health, family contact, stress, teamwork, and online groups.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a sensible order: harm first, benefits next, then a final view.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as 'Furthermore', 'In contrast', 'Moreover', and 'Overall' to guide the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
What to do next:
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