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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people think that main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as televisions, friends and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion

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Introduction
Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
is argue
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argues
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 that the most important factor in student influence are
Use synonyms
tv
Capitalize the proper name
TV
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, music and stars.
While
Linking Words
 citizens believe family are the most important in
life
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. I strongly agree with the idea saying that
parents
Use synonyms
 are useful in
kid's
Correct article usage
a kid's
show examples
life
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i'm
Fix capitalization
I'm
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 going to elaborate
my
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on my
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 opinion.
Body paragraph 1
Overall
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,
parents
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 are the
mentor
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mentors
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 of their
kidos'
Correct your spelling
kids'
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, before any interactions with other
toddler
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toddlers
show examples
 in daycare, school and college. The mother and father, in their habits rise the newborn with
any
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apply
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actions
give
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that give
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 directions in every single
activities
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activity
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
first
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in the first
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 years of
life
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
parents
Punctuation problem
, parents
show examples
 are
importants
Correct your spelling
important
 in
they
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their
show examples
 babies' surroundings. By choosing healthy food,
Use synonyms
tv
Capitalize the proper name
TV
show examples
 programs, choise of games. Respect, good
maners
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manners
, communication, school, homework,
clothes
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and clothes
show examples
 are
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parents
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parents'
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 responsibilities.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, toddlers are exploring, sociolising with others,
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tv
Capitalize the proper name
TV
show examples
 programs are more
commun
Correct your spelling
common
 in families, by watching
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tv
Capitalize the proper name
TV
show examples
, actors will
influencing
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influence
show examples
 their fans.
Therefore
Linking Words
, by
acting
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acting,
show examples
 they
suppose
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are supposed
show examples
 to use educational and useful subjects. The future of the world depends
of
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on
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this
Linking Words
 generation.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
,
While
Linking Words
 the civilisation are interract about that development of teens recently
are
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being
show examples
 influenced by powerful people,
but
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apply
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others still believe that
parents
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 are more important.
in
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In
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 fact
that
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apply
show examples
, good
maners
Correct your spelling
manners
 are learned
from
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at
show examples
 home.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, children
interract
Correct your spelling
interact
 with others and watching
tv
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
parents
Correct determiner usage
their parents
show examples
 are their
coach
Fix the agreement mistake
coaches
show examples
.

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task response
You give your own view clearly: family is more important. However, discuss both sides in a more even way. Explain how TV, music and friends can shape a child, then explain why family has a stronger and longer effect.
task response
Make your main ideas more clear. For example, parents teach values and set daily rules, while friends and TV can affect language, taste and actions. Then say why parents can guide children when outside effects are bad.
task response
Add one simple, real example for each side. For example, a child may copy a singer’s dress or words, but parents can limit screen time and teach the child what is right.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, one paragraph on TV, friends and music, one paragraph on family, and conclusion. This will make both views easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main sentence. Then give reasons and an example. Some ideas now come in a list, so the reader cannot always see the main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully: “On the one hand”, “For example”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In my view”. Do not repeat “while” too often.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for the same idea. Use “children” instead of changing between “students”, “kids”, “toddlers”, “babies” and “teens”, because these groups are not the same.
task response
Your opinion is clear from the start and stays the same until the end.
task response
You include ideas from both views, such as TV and actors on one side and parents’ daily care on the other.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful link words, such as “Firstly”, “Moreover”, “However” and “To conclude”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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