Across the world, local shops are closing due to losing customers to online competitors. What problems does this produce? And what solutions can you suggest to overcome them?

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Introduction
In many
part
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parts
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of the world, the
succsses
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success
of online platforms
lead
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leads
show examples
to
closing
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the closing
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of small markets. It
produce
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produces
show examples
unemployment, which could be
soluted
Verb problem
solved
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by
get used a
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using
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new technologies and
study
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studying
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carefully where it is necessary
Verb problem
to have
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physical stores.
Body paragraph 1
Firt
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First
of all, nowadays, the way that we
bay
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buy
show examples
has transformed
,
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;
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this
Linking Words
change is irreversible
, the
Punctuation problem
. The
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majority of
perchuses
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purchases
are on internet platforms. Which does not require physical shops, increasing the number of merchants
whithout
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without
customers.
For example
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, a
larges
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large
supermarket
sell
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sells
show examples
food and groceries on
websides
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websites
,
Linking Words
also
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and
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local shops can not compete with them because they have comercial advantage .
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
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they are forced to close.
Body paragraph 2
Business owners should find a new way to offer their
products
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, learning how they can show
thir
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their
products
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on web stores, they need to adapt
a
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to
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market technologies. If they are unable to sell online, they will fail. Sellers not only need to learn how
put
Verb problem
to put
show examples
their
products
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online, but they
also
Linking Words
need to know if they need
have
Verb problem
to have
show examples
a physical store to complete the customer experience. For
intance
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instance
, some companies have
successfuls
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successful
online
web
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websites
show examples
, but
also
Linking Words
they have
presence
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a presence
show examples
in shopping malls, where people
could
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can
show examples
compare
products
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, make a complaits and return or exchange.
Conclusion
In
conlusion
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conclusion
,
although
Linking Words
,
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apply
show examples
local stores are facing risks and threats from commercial
webs
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websites
, and they are disappearing, they have
a
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an
show examples
opportunity to increase sales if they be able to adapt a news technologies.

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task response
You answer both parts: you explain a problem and give ways to help. However, the problem part is too short. Add more results of shop closures, such as fewer jobs, empty town areas, and less help for older people who cannot buy online.
task response
Make each main idea clearer. Explain how learning online sales can help a small shop, for example by helping it reach people outside its local area.
task response
Your example about large supermarkets is linked to the topic. Use a more clear and full example, with a small local shop and what it can do online and in person.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this plan: one paragraph for problems and one paragraph for solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because they are too long or not complete. Write shorter sentences with one main idea in each sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words to show the order of your ideas: 'First', 'As a result', 'For example', and 'In conclusion'. Do not start a new sentence with 'Which'.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each body paragraph show the main point. Then give an explanation and an example. This will make the flow easier to follow.
task response
You stay on the topic and give a useful main solution: small shop owners can use online sales.
task response
You include the idea that some shops can use both online sales and a real shop, which is relevant and practical.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses separate paragraphs for the main parts of the answer.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion returns to your main message that local shops need to change with new technology.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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