IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people today are worried about ‘cybercrime’ such as hacking and identity theft. What problems does ‘cybercrime’ cause, and what solutions can you suggest for ordinary people and businesses to take?

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Introduction
Many people are victims or feel
unsecurity
Replace the word
insecure
 about
cybercrime
Use synonyms
,
for that
Correct word choice
so these
show examples
 people always feel afraid and
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 under threat
, engineers
Punctuation problem
. Engineers
show examples
 are working every day
again
Change preposition
against
show examples
 cyber
stolen
Replace the word
theft
 and other
way to crime
Check wording
crimes
show examples
 on
web
Correct article usage
the web
show examples
 to solve
this
Linking Words
 issue. I will
explein
Correct your spelling
explain
 about it.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, in
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
Use synonyms
cybercrime
Punctuation problem
, cybercrime
show examples
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 robberies, it is the most
frecuent
Correct your spelling
frequent
 crime.
For example
Linking Words
, many people suffer
stolen
Replace the word
theft
 in their
bank
Use synonyms
 account, because
the
Correct subject-verb agreement
banks
show examples
bank
Use synonyms
 are always being threatened
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 hackers, so they
obtein
Correct your spelling
obtain
 the
password client
Correct word order
client's password
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, the community feels insecure. In
addittion
Correct your spelling
addition
, a larges
companies
Use synonyms
 have been victims of large-scale
dolars
Correct your spelling
dollar
 thefts.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
cybercrime
Use synonyms
 not only
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 stolen money, but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
stolen
Wrong verb form
steals
show examples
 personal information, which is extremely dangerous, because they can commit identity theft.
Body paragraph 2
There are some solutions, first the
differents
Replace the word
different
tools
agains
Correct your spelling
against
cybercrime
Use synonyms
 should
update
Wrong verb form
be updated
show examples
 day by day because hackers are
update
Wrong verb form
updated
show examples
 at the speed of technology.
Secondly
Linking Words
 ,
while
Linking Words
 antivirus programs should update and everyone
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to know how
use
Verb problem
to use
show examples
 them,
companies
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
bank
Check wording
banks
show examples
 should have
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 important group of
professinals
Correct your spelling
professionals
 working in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cybersecurity
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they have to invest in
precent
Correct your spelling
preventing
this
Linking Words
 issue. Another point is education about prevention of
cybercrime
Use synonyms
 from schools to workplaces to
toward to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
prevent.
For instance
Linking Words
, basic thing sush as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
not
share
Wrong verb form
sharing
show examples
 passwords or not clicking on unfamiliar
link
Check wording
links
show examples
. It could prevent crime on wesides.
Conclusion
In conclusion, e-crime
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 the entire community, including citizens and
companies
Use synonyms
, authorities
Punctuation problem
. Authorities
show examples
 have to educate
about
Check wording
citizens and companies about
show examples
cyber sucurity adress
Correct your spelling
cybersecurity
 to decrease
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of victims
and
Punctuation problem
. Companies
show examples
companies
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
bank
Check wording
banks
show examples
 should
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
invest continuosly sucurity, where professinals
such
Linking Words
 as
computers
Check wording
computer
show examples
engineers
Punctuation problem
engineers,
show examples
 play an important role.

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task response
You answer both parts: you show the problems and give ways to help people and businesses. To improve, explain each main point more fully. For example, say how stolen data can harm a person after money is taken.
task response
Your examples are useful, such as hackers taking bank passwords and people not opening unknown links. Add one clear example for a business, such as a shop losing customer data or being unable to use its online system.
task response
Make your ideas more exact. Instead of saying cybercrime causes robberies, say it can lead to money theft, data theft, and false use of a person’s name.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, problems, solutions, and ending. Keep this plan, but make the opening state both parts of the question in a more direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body paragraph, focus on problems. In the second, focus on solutions for people and businesses. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words like “First”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion” help. Do not use too many links in one long sentence; write shorter sentences when the idea changes.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas clearer. For example: “Hackers may get bank details. Then they can take money. This makes people feel unsafe.”
task response
You cover cybercrime problems for both people and large businesses, and you give practical ideas such as updates, antivirus tools, expert teams, and education.
task response
The advice about not sharing passwords and not clicking unknown links is clear and useful for ordinary people.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has clear paragraph breaks and a conclusion that returns to the main topic.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signposts such as “First of all”, “In addition”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
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