IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

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Introduction
In
this
Linking Words
 modern era,
governments
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 around the world are increasingly investing in new
techonologies
Correct your spelling
technologies
 to improve the way they interact with and provide better public
services
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 approach enables the government to provide faster, more convenient and
more
Rephrase
apply
show examples
safer public
services
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. From my perspective,
this
Linking Words
the most worthwhile ise
Correct word order
is the most worthwhile use
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 of
taxpayer's
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taxpayers'
show examples
 money.
Body paragraph 1
Around the world,
governments
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 that
succussfully
Correct your spelling
successfully
 adopt and implement new technologies are considered more efficient. By investing in new technologies,
governments
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 can make the public
services
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 more advanced and encourage environmentally responsible behaviour.
For example
Linking Words
, Germany has introduced reverse-vending
machine
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machines
show examples
 among people where they return plastic bottles in return of small financial reward, thereby
encounraging
Correct your spelling
encouraging
 responsible behaviour and reducing waste.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
goivernments
Correct your spelling
governments
 that invest in the advancement of public transport
system
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systems
show examples
 can reduce traffic congestion and make the commute
more
Rephrase
apply
show examples
faster, safer and
convenient
Rephrase
more convenient
show examples
 for working people.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
governments
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 are now launching digital
system
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systems
show examples
 in healthcare, education and other essential sectors to improve their
quality
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 and make it faster.
Therefore
Linking Words
, technological investment enables the government to make the effective use of
taxpayer's
Check wording
taxpayers'
show examples
 money.
Body paragraph 2
From my perspective,
governmnets
Correct your spelling
governments
 are implementing new
invention
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innovations
show examples
 in healthcare and education to keep them updated, where outdated
system
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systems
show examples
 can limit the
quality
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 and
accessbility
Correct your spelling
accessibility
 of public
services
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. To achieve
Linking Words
this
Punctuation problem
this,
show examples
 these sectors require
substancial
Correct your spelling
substantial
 financial aid.
For example
Linking Words
, the government in Dubai invested heavily in these sectors and
demonstrating
Wrong verb form
demonstrated
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 how technological
advencement
Correct your spelling
advancement
 can change and improve the
quality
Use synonyms
 of life.
Conclusion
In conclusion, technological advancement is necessary in
this
Linking Words
 modern world.
Governments
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 that invest responsibly in
technolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
 can make the effective use of public money
while
Linking Words
 improving the efficiency and
quality
Use synonyms
 of public
services
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.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain why states spend on new technology, such as faster help, lower costs, and easier access. Then give a clear view on when this spending is a good use of public money.
task response
Your main view is clear, but develop it with more detail. Say that money should go first to key areas, such as health, schools, transport, and online public help. You can also note that some new systems may cost too much or leave out older people.
task response
The Germany bottle-return example is useful and linked to your point. However, explain more clearly how it shows better contact between the state and the public. The Dubai example is too general: name one system or give a clearer result.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make each body part focus on one main idea. The first can explain why this is happening; the second can explain why you think it is a good use of money.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are repeated, especially that technology makes services faster and better. Add new detail instead of saying the same point again. This will make the argument feel more complete.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “For example”, “Furthermore”, and “Therefore” help, but make sure the next sentence directly follows the one before it. In the first body part, the move from bottle returns to public transport is a little sudden.
coherence and cohesion
Make key terms the same throughout. Use one phrase, such as “new technology” or “digital systems”, rather than changing between “new inventions”, “advancement”, and “technologies” when you mean the same thing.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep this view until the end.
task response
You use real-world examples, including Germany and Dubai, to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your view.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion brings the main ideas together and answers the question again.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public services
  • government funding
  • digital transformation
  • online government portal
  • administrative costs
  • reduce paperwork
  • faster processing times
  • access public information
  • remote areas
  • limited mobility
  • digital divide
  • face-to-face support
  • data protection
  • personal information
  • cybersecurity measures
  • user-friendly system
  • public accountability
  • efficient use of taxpayers' money
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