IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?

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Introduction
The
school
Use synonyms
 break period has opened an argument whether it should be conducted in long or short days. The extended vacation is generally viewed as a moment for the pupils to get a decent
pause
Check wording
break
show examples
from the institute tasks. Meanwhile, the temporary break could become purposeful for the generations to train their responsibilities.
However
Linking Words
, the number of days itself should be revisited by weighing the benefits of longer and shorter vacations.
Body paragraph 1
First,
Linking Words
the prolonged break can help children rest, spend
time
Use synonyms
 with family, and try new skills. A refreshing moment is beneficial for them to get back stronger in their studies. Students will have the chance to go on vacation with families and friends, doing the trips they enjoyed the most.
Moreover
Linking Words
, an extended break could push them to find out the interests they haven't found at
school
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, we usually see a higher number of participants in cooking classes during
this
Linking Words
 season.
This
Linking Words
 actually help sharpens their skills and hobbies.
Body paragraph 2
On the other side,
shorter
Correct article usage
a shorter
show examples
 pause can help students remember
Use synonyms
Correct determiner usage
their school’s
show examples
school’s obligation
Check wording
school obligations
show examples
 and be mindful
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
time
Use synonyms
. If the academy were to close for only a short
time
Use synonyms
, students
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 return to
school
Use synonyms
 more easily with
the
Correct article usage
their
show examples
 whole learning memories. A prolonged break will impact pupils' awareness of their responsibility at
school
Use synonyms
, their goals, and the subjects they have learned. Adversely, giving them only a temporary break will help them to keep up with their learning milestones.
Then
Linking Words
, it will lead to their mindfulness to utilise a quick break with a more decent quality of holidays,
such
Linking Words
 as creating an intentional visit to their grandparents who
needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 their attention the most.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they will become aware of the pause period's intention.
Conclusion
All in all, the momentary break is outweighed by the extended options as it will train their responsibility and
time
Use synonyms
 management. Based on the thorough analysis above, I would recommend a quick period of summer holidays rather than conducting in months. As
such
Linking Words
, we are bringing back the nature of learning obligation that could breed the generations to grow responsibly.

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Task response
You answer both parts: you explain why long holidays are useful and why short holidays may help. Make your main view clearer in the first paragraph. At the end, your choice is clear, but it is not fully matched with the first body paragraph, where long holidays have strong good points.
Task response
Give more full support for each point. For long holidays, explain how rest can help children learn better after they return. For short holidays, explain why students may forget less and why this matters.
Task response
Use more real and clear examples. The cooking class example is useful, but explain what children learn from it. The example about visiting grandparents does not strongly show why holidays should be shorter.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, long holidays, short holidays, and ending. Keep this simple plan, but make each paragraph start with one clear main idea.
Coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are hard to follow. For example, “Meanwhile” and “However” do not always show the right link. Use simple links such as “First,” “Also,” “On the other hand,” and “As a result.”
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying the same idea again in different words. In the short-holiday paragraph, you repeat ideas about school work, goals, and what students remember. Choose one or two points and explain them well.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph more direct. State your choice, give one main reason, and close the essay. Do not add new ideas about the nature of learning at the end.
Task response
You discuss both long and short school holidays, so the essay stays on the topic.
Task response
You include useful ideas, such as rest, family time, new skills, school work, and time use.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay is split into clear paragraphs, and each body paragraph looks at one side of the question.
Coherence and cohesion
You use signposts such as “First,” “On the other side,” and “All in all,” which help the reader see the main parts.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • long holidays
  • short holidays
  • summer break
  • rest
  • health
  • family time
  • travel
  • reading
  • learning
  • memory
  • gaps
  • exams
  • curriculum
  • planning
  • cost
  • money
  • parent
  • teacher
  • student
  • school
  • summer school
  • enrichment
  • activities
  • schedule
  • fairness
  • access
  • inequality
  • support
  • spare time
  • staggered holidays
  • intersession
  • balance
  • policy
  • example
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