IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the media (newspapers) have the right to publish details of people’s private life, while other’s think it should be controlled ? Discuss both views

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
It is an undeniable fact that
media
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
newspaper
Check wording
newspapers
show examples
 and television have been
major
Correct article usage
a major
show examples
 source of
information
Use synonyms
 around the world throughout the years. It is a topic of discussion whether they should be allowed to
publicize
Change the spelling
publicise
show examples
someone
Use synonyms
's private
information
Use synonyms
 or not. Some individuals believe that it is not a problem for them to release something private about
someone
Use synonyms
where
Correct word choice
, while
show examples
 others oppose.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is well known that
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 always attracted to news that could become public fascination and profit
their
Change preposition
from their
show examples
 own business at the same time.
Such
Linking Words
 platforms
analize
Correct your spelling
analyse
 the public interest and go to different heights to achieve private
information
Use synonyms
 of public personalities. The research of Oxford states that 70% of the general public tends to be interested more in famous
personnel's
Check wording
people's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 than the ongoing world crisis.
Therefore
Linking Words
, newspapers focus on that point and provide them with what
the
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 expect, even if they have to intrude
Use synonyms
someone's
Change preposition
on someone's
show examples
 personal space.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is often demanded by some individuals that
media
Use synonyms
 sources should not have
controll
Correct your spelling
control
 over releasing
other's
Check wording
others'
show examples
 personal
information
Use synonyms
. It is a fact that
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 profits more from
gossips
Check wording
gossip
show examples
 than the genral awareness topics. All
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public figures
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as actors
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
politicians
Punctuation problem
politicians,
show examples
 should have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to the phases of their lives
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it should not be
publicized
Change the spelling
publicised
show examples
 for some company's profit. It is definite that sources
such
Linking Words
 as newspaper companies need to be more considerate of people's life events
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they should be made aware of the severity of their actions in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others
Check wording
others'
show examples
 respective lives.
Conclusion
Conclusion, it has been an ongoing debate over the decades if public
media
Use synonyms
 should have access to releasing
someone
Use synonyms
's personal data.
This
Linking Words
 issue can be solved with
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 and
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 working together and
focussing
Correct your spelling
focusing
 on more important events going around us that need our attention
instead
Linking Words
 of personal
crisis
Check wording
crises
show examples
 of public
figues
Correct your spelling
figures
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Discuss both sides more fully. Explain why some people support news about private life, such as the public need to know about a leader’s actions. Then explain why control is needed, such as harm to family life and safety.
task response
Give your own clear view. The last paragraph says the issue can be solved by people and the media working together, but it does not clearly say if the media should be free or should face control.
task response
Use examples that fit each main point. The Oxford study is not explained enough, and it only shows that people like such news. Add a clear real or made-up case to show the harm of sharing private facts.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. However, the first main part mostly explains why newspapers want profit. It should also explain the view that they have the right to publish this news.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph follow one simple plan: main idea, explanation, example, and short result. This will help the reader follow your ideas more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words like “Firstly” and “On the other hand” help, but some links do not show the exact relation between ideas. Try “For this reason”, “However”, and “As a result” when they fit.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. You use “media”, “newspapers”, “sources”, and “platforms”. This can be good, but use “the media” or “newspapers” most of the time so the meaning stays clear.
task response
You address both views: the wish of the public to know about famous people and the need to protect private life.
task response
Your ideas about profit, gossip, and the right to private life are relevant to the question.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful signposts, such as “Firstly” and “On the other hand”, to guide the reader.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Freedom of Press
  • Democratic society
  • Public interest
  • Transparency
  • Accountability
  • Investigative journalism
  • Privacy invasion
  • Psychological impact
  • Ethical standards
  • Legal frameworks
  • Regulations
  • Media scrutiny
  • Case studies
  • Moral boundaries
  • Public figures
  • Corruption
  • Misconduct
  • Stress and anxiety
What to do next:
Look at other essays: