IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that old buildings should be knocked down and give way to modern facilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In nowadays
Change preposition
Nowadays
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, many people believe that
buildings
Use synonyms
 with old history should be replaced with new and modern facilities
area
Check wording
apply
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. In my opinion, I do believe that replacing old
building
Check wording
buildings
show examples
 with new facilities is a significant and great idea.
Body paragraph 1
Starting with the first reason why
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 agree is that old
buildings
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not
intresting
Correct your spelling
interesting
 anymore for tourists to visit on their
vecation
Correct your spelling
vacation
.
In other words
Linking Words
, in the present life, tourist do not
looking
Wrong verb form
look
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 for historical
places
Use synonyms
 and
buildings
Use synonyms
 to discover
while
Linking Words
 they are
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
vecation
Correct your spelling
vacation
.
For example
Linking Words
, when me and my familie travled to united states before a year ago, we weren't searching for historical and old
buildings
Use synonyms
 to visit and discover.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 tourist is no more intrested in old
places
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
Moving
the
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the next reason why
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 agree, replacing old
buildings
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 with modern entertainment
places
Use synonyms
 is beneficial for both
governmant
Correct your spelling
government
 and the economic system. Thats mean if the nation
build
Correct subject-verb agreement
builds
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 a new
facilitis
Correct your spelling
facility
 and
entertainmant
Correct your spelling
entertainment
area,
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 will get more money and
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
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 system will
rose
Wrong verb form
rise
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 significantly.
For instance
Linking Words
, if bahrain country replace historecal
places
Use synonyms
 with
disney land
Correct your spelling
Disneyland
 entertainment park,
tourist
Check wording
tourists
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 will choose
bahrain
Capitalize the proper name
Bahrain
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 as the next destination to visit.
This
Linking Words
 leads to
increased
Replace the word
an increase
 in both economic systems and government and country
walth
Correct your spelling
wealth
. It is apparent that
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 new
facilites
Correct your spelling
facilities
 is useful.
Conclusion
To wrap up,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
believe that
knoched
Wrong verb form
knocking
show examples
 down old
buildings
Use synonyms
 and give away to modern facilities is
such
Linking Words
 a beneficial change that can
affect in
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a positive way to the
counrty
Correct your spelling
country
.Govenment should build new entertainment
places
Use synonyms
.

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task response
You give a clear view: you agree that old buildings should be replaced. You also give two main reasons. However, explain more why all old buildings should go. Think about old places that are important for a country’s past, and say why new places are still more important in your view.
task response
Your first main point is too broad. Saying that tourists do not want to see old places is not always true. Many tourists visit old towns, castles, and museums. Use a more careful idea, such as: some old buildings have little use or are unsafe, so they can be replaced.
task response
Your examples are linked to your ideas, but they need more detail. The trip to the United States is only one personal case. Explain what modern places tourists wanted to visit and why. Also, the Bahrain and Disney example is not very real. A real or more likely example would make your point stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: an opening, two body parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow. Keep one main idea in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Instead of “Starting with the first reason why I agree” and “Moving the the next reason,” use short links such as “First,” “Second,” and “As a result.” This will make the writing smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word form and grammar. For example, write “tourists are no longer interested” rather than “tourist is no more intrested.” Write short, clear sentences so that each idea is easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending repeats your view, which is good. Make it stronger by briefly naming both reasons again: new places may bring money and give people more useful spaces. Do not add a new idea at the end.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep your view clear from the start to the end.
task response
You use examples about travel and money to support your main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is divided into clear parts, with one reason in each main body part.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For example,” “For instance,” and “To wrap up” help show the order of your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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