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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The world of work is rapidly changing, and employees cannot depend on having the same job or the same working conditions for life. Discuss the possible causes and suggest ways to prepare people to work in the future.

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Introduction
Rapid alterations in the world lead to changing work and
life
Use synonyms
 conditions
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are getting used to. The causes of
this
Linking Words
 appear to be focused on two areas, and a number of solutions
also
Linking Words
 appear to be possible.
Body paragraph 1
The world is
changed
Wrong verb form
changing
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due to
Linking Words
 developing technology and economic situations in a country. These conditions will influence
people
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’s lives.
For example
Linking Words
, many companies use robots and automate their working processes.
People
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 who provide
this
Linking Words
 type of
job
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 cannot find
such
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 kind of work
perhaps
Punctuation problem
; perhaps
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 automation of processes may touch many companies in the market. Another cause is
many
Correct word choice
that many
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 businesses may close
by connecting with
Change preposition
due to
show examples
 economic situations in the countries
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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as a
Linking Words
result
Punctuation problem
result,
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 employees may lose their
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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. These factors lead to alteration of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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’s
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 because there is no opportunity to find the same
job
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 and working conditions.
Body paragraph 2
Turning to possible solutions, an obvious step would be to change
an
Correct article usage
the
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 expectation that
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job
Correct article usage
the job
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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you have chosen once upon a time will continue during your
life
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. Every day Individuals have to learn new
skills
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 as
habit
Correct article usage
a habit
show examples
. Regularly small learning may lead to big results, and it
is given
Wrong verb form
gives
show examples
 confidence that you may obtain any
professions
Fix the agreement mistake
profession
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. Another way a government may organize leaning courses to obtain new
skills
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. The courses may start before or after
the
Correct article usage
apply
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working
time
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hours
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 and two or three times a week.
People
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 can acquire
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
 to get new
skills
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. It gives additional ability to communicate with other
people
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 who are working in other areas of business and to find a
job
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, individuals may not find the same
job
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 in
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 world as possible. In order to get
such
Linking Words
 situations
smoothly
Punctuation problem
smoothly,
show examples
 it is
needed
Correct word choice
necessary
show examples
 to obtain different new
skills
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 during
life
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.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task: you give causes and ways to help people. To make your ideas stronger, explain each cause in more detail. For example, say why robots can take some jobs and name the new work that people may do instead.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. The example about robots is useful, but it needs a more direct link to workers. You could explain that a factory worker may need to learn how to run or fix machines.
task response
Your ideas about learning new skills and government classes are good. Add details about what skills people should learn, such as computer use, team work, or speaking skills.
task response
Make your main point more exact. Avoid broad lines such as “the world is changed.” Say clearly that new technology and changes in the economy can make jobs end or change.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the first sentence of each body part more clear and direct.
coherence and cohesion
Use links between ideas more carefully. For example, replace “by connecting with economic situations” with “because of a weak economy.” This will make the link between the cause and result easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because they are too long or have unclear meaning. Write shorter sentences. For example: “Many firms may close in a weak economy. As a result, workers may lose their jobs.”
coherence and cohesion
Use the same key words in a clear way. Choose “jobs,” “work,” and “workers” instead of changing often between “job,” “profession,” “area of business,” and “type of work.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending sum up both causes and solutions. At present, it mainly repeats the need for new skills. Add a short point about technology and changes in the economy.
task response
You cover the two key areas in the question: reasons for change at work and ways people can get ready.
task response
The points about technology, the economy, learning new skills, and government help are all on topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to see as three parts: an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For example,” “Another cause,” “Turning to possible solutions,” and “In conclusion” help show the order of your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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