IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The money spent by government on space programme would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
There is no doubt that
vitual
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virtual
 public
servicies
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services
 are top prority especially nowadays. It is known that the
money
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 spent on
Use synonyms
space
Correct article usage
the space
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 programme is
certinley
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certainly
 pricey.
Although
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,
Do
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do
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 you think that
its
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it's
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 best to spend
money
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 on
vitual
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virtual
 public
services
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instead
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on
Change preposition
of
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space
Use synonyms
programmes
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 and why?
Body paragraph 1
In my opinion, I agree
its
Correct pronoun usage
it's
show examples
 best to spend
money
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 on
vitual
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virtual
 public
services
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instaed
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instead
 of
space
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 for a few good reasons. First of all,
In
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in
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 order to know more about
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space
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space,
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 the
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goverment
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government
 will need
approximatley
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approximately
 not less than 1million pounds
,
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.
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 So
thats
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that's
 why
i
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I
show examples
 think
its
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it's
 better to spend it on visual public
services
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such
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 as schools and hospitals that will
defenitley
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definitely
 help with many financial problems that the
Use synonyms
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 faces and
also
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 it will
develope
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develop
 the
students
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students'
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 education.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, I partly
dissagree
Correct your spelling
disagree
 on
this
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 topic
due to
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 one reason. I think that the
Use synonyms
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should
defenitley
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definitely
 spend
money
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 on
space
Use synonyms
programmes
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 as long as the
vitual
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virtual
 public
services
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 are doing
good
Rephrase
well
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. I personally think that spending
money
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 on
space
Use synonyms
programmes
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 basically spending
money
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 on education.
Space
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programmes
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 can help us in many ways
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such
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, such
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 as knowing there is anything
dangergous
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dangerous
 surrounding us
etc
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, etc
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I agree and
dissagree
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disagree
 on
this
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 topic
beause
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because
 it can be a good and bad thing,
But
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but
show examples
 as long as the
Use synonyms
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 is paying well on
visuial
Correct your spelling
visual
 public
services
Use synonyms
 and
also
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 paying well on
space
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
programmes
Punctuation problem
programmes,
show examples
then
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 it should be equal and solve many problems.

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task response
Make your main view clear in the first part. You say you agree, but later you say you both agree and disagree. Choose one clear view, or say that you partly agree and explain this from the start.
task response
Develop each main point more. For schools and hospitals, explain what the money could pay for, such as more teachers, beds, or health care. Then explain clearly why this is more important.
task response
Your point about space is useful, but it needs more detail. Say how space work can help people on Earth, for example by giving weather news or warning us about danger from space.
task response
Do not ask the reader a question in the first part. State your own answer directly. This will make your response more direct and easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: first part with your view, one part on public services, one part on space work, and a final part that repeats your view.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between ideas clearer. Use simple links such as “First”, “For example”, “However”, and “Therefore”. Make sure each new part has one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
The final part should not say the same as both sides without a clear answer. End by saying which area should get more money and under what condition.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “I think” and “definitely”. Use short, clear sentences to show the reason and result of each point.
task response
You answer both sides of the issue: the need for schools and hospitals, and the possible value of space work.
task response
You give a clear reason for public services: they can help students and deal with money problems.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a beginning, two main body parts, and a final part.
coherence and cohesion
You use contrast words such as “On the other hand”, which helps show a change to the other view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Catalyst
  • Technological advancements
  • International cooperation
  • Indirectly supporting
  • Financially demanding
  • Allocation of funds
  • Take precedence
  • Social challenges
  • Long-term investments
  • Private sector
  • Essential services
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