IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is the job of governments and companies to deal with the huge environmental problems which we face. Individuals on their own can do little or nothing’. What is your opinion about this statement?

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Introduction
There is no denying that governments and
companies
Use synonyms
 are largely responsible for addressing the environmental problems.
However
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,
citizens
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also
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 have some duties
about protecting
Change preposition
to protect
show examples
 the
environment
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own opinion, supported by relevant reasons and examples.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with,
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 and
companies
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 are accountable for the betterment of the
environment
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.
Government
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 hold the power
of making
Wrong verb form
to make
show examples
 rules
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 passing legislations.
For example
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, governments of
first world
Correct your spelling
first-world
 countries encourage
mass
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people to use the separate bins for efficiently managing the waste by taking a large amount of
fine
Check wording
fines
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. It ensures the recycling of
recycable
Correct your spelling
recyclable
 products. Industries
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also can
Correct word order
can also
show examples
 help
raising
Wrong verb form
raise
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 awareness among
citizens
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.
For instance
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, Tim
hortons
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Hortons'
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 company
using
Wrong verb form
uses
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 eco-friendly cups
insted
Correct your spelling
instead
 of plastic cups.
As a result
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,
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 will be encouraged
consiously
Correct your spelling
consciously
 to
take
Verb problem
make
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 smart and safe
decision
Check wording
decisions
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 for
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environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, an individual
also
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hold
Correct subject-verb agreement
holds
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 some responsibilities for
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environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
Citizens
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needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to follow the rule an regulations made by the
government
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.
For instance
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,
citizens
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 can use
bcycles
Correct your spelling
bicycles
instead
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 of cars to reduce carbon
emmision
Correct your spelling
emissions
.
Moreover
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, a
little
Correct determiner usage
few
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 buying choices
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also can
Correct word order
can also
show examples
 make
difference
Correct article usage
a difference
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.
Such
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 as buying eco-friendly soap and shampoo
also
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 helps to reduce water
polution
Correct your spelling
pollution
.
Therefore
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,
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
also
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 accountable for protecting the
environment
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.
Conclusion
I
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IN
show examples
 conclusion, governments and
companies
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 can work together to raise awareness among people for tackling the environmental issues.
Although
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government
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 and
companies
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 are mainly responsible for making rules, taking
decissions
Correct your spelling
decisions
, and influencing the public, an individual is responsible for following
decissions
Correct your spelling
decisions
 and making eco-friendly choices.
Overall
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, co-operation among all sectors can help to create a safe
environment
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Give your own view more clearly in the first part. Say that the work should be shared, but that governments and big firms should do more because they can make laws and change how goods are made.
task response
Develop each main point with one clear reason and one full example. For example, explain how a fine can make more people sort waste, and how this then cuts the waste sent to land.
task response
Some examples need to be more exact. The point about eco-friendly cups is useful, but explain what the firm does and why this has a real effect. Avoid examples that may not be true or are too general.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, two body parts, and end. Keep this shape, but make the links between ideas smoother with simple words such as “also”, “because”, “therefore”, and “however”.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea. In the first body part, separate the role of governments from the role of companies, or use clear linking words to show the change.
coherence and cohesion
The last part repeats some earlier points. Use it to give one short final answer to the question: large groups have the main role, but people must act as well.
coherence and cohesion
Check key word groups so the meaning is clear: use “governments hold”, “citizens need”, “rules and laws”, and “responsibility for the environment”.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give the view that all groups should work together.
task response
You use relevant ideas, such as laws, waste sorting, bikes, and green buying choices.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has clear paragraph breaks and uses phrases such as “To begin with”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”.
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