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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

IELTS Writing Tsk 2 In poor families, teenagers may have to work part-time as well as study. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this for these teenagers. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

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I HAVE
WORED
Correct your spelling
WORKED
 BEFORE AND
DTUDY
Wrong verb form
STUDIED
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 AT THE
SMAE
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SAME
TIME
Use synonyms
 .AND I SAY
THAT
Linking Words
IS
Correct pronoun usage
IT
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 HAS SO MANY ADVANTAGES .IT CAN MAKE YOU VERY
RESPOSIPLE
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RESPONSIBLE
.AND IT WILL MAKE
BECOME
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YOU BECOME
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 AN ADULT
FASTER
Punctuation problem
FASTER,
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 YOU CAN SAY .BECAUSE YOU WILL PAY FOR
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YOURE
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YOUR
 FAMILY AND
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YOURE SELF
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YOURSELF
.HOWEVEVR THE DISAVANTAGES ARE GONNA BE VERY HARD ON YOU TO BALNSE BETWIN THE WORK AND THE SCHOOL .And you fell tierd every day.
you wont
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You won't
 have any
time
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 to spend with
youre
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 friend and some
time
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youre
Use synonyms
 family.So that will make fell unhappy most of the
time
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especially
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, especially
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 if you are a
teenager
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.So
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teenager's
Check wording
teenagers
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 with these
kind
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kinds
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 of
problem
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problems
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 tend to have an easy job so they can study more.
not
Capitalize the word
Not
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 every
teenager
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 mange carry all that on their back.So if
saw
Correct pronoun usage
we saw
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 somone we have to be
kin andf helpfull
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kind and helpful
 with them.I think the school
it self
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itself
 should help those
Use synonyms
teenager's
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teenagers
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.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
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 there is a kid in my class who was facing the same
issiues
Correct your spelling
issues
 and the school
had help
Verb problem
helped
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 him.

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Task response
You answer both parts of the task. You give good points about work, such as being more responsible and helping the family, and you give problems, such as being tired and having less time for friends.
Task response
Explain each main point more fully. For example, say how a part-time job can teach a teenager to plan money, and how long work hours can hurt school work.
Task response
Your class example is useful, but add more facts. Say what help the school gave the student and how this help made study and work easier.
Task response
Make your final view clearer. You can say that part-time work is good only when the hours are short and the teenager still has enough time for school, rest, and family.
Coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: an opening, one paragraph on good sides, one paragraph on bad sides, and a short ending.
Coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then give a reason and an example. This will help the reader follow your ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words carefully, such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “In the end”. Do not put many different ideas in one very long sentence.
Coherence and cohesion
Some ideas need clearer links. For example, move the point about easy jobs and school help into the paragraph about ways to reduce the bad sides of working.
Task response
You use your own experience, which makes your answer feel real and close to the topic.
Task response
You include both good and bad sides, so your answer stays on the main task.
Coherence and cohesion
You use “However” to show a change from the good sides to the bad sides.
Coherence and cohesion
Your example about a student in your class gives the ending a clear human focus.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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