IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people prefer to provide help and support directly to those in need. Others however prefer to give money to national and international charitable organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Introduction
Nowadays ,
people
Use synonyms
 love to provide help to those who
in
Verb problem
are in
show examples
need
Punctuation problem
need,
show examples
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others like to give it to a voluntary platforms ,
this
Linking Words
 has become an important issue
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 to
people
Use synonyms
 in need directly is much easier ,
while
Linking Words
 others like to give
money
Use synonyms
 to international organizations is
saver
Correct your spelling
safer
. I strongly agree
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 group who provide the
money
Use synonyms
 to national and international charitable
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
Body paragraph 1
One main reason
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
direct donations
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 immediate support .
This
Linking Words
 is because the
money
Use synonyms
 will receive to the homeless faster .
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 when
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 see homeless
people
Use synonyms
 i will offer some
money
Use synonyms
 to them ,
in addition
Linking Words
 to
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 the process faster ,
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
 a
result
Punctuation problem
result,
show examples
 they don't have to wait much longer.
Body paragraph 2
Another main reason is donating the
money
Use synonyms
 to international platforms.
This
Linking Words
 is because they are much trusted platfrom and
the
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can supply it to
people
Use synonyms
 who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 really in need ,
for instance
Linking Words
 . In
saudi
Capitalize the proper name
Saudi
show examples
Arabia
Add a comma
Arabia,
show examples
 there is
Ehsan
Correct article usage
the Ehsan
show examples
 platform where you can donate
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 safely .
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
 a result , there will be offered to
people
Use synonyms
 who actually are in need .
Conclusion
In conclusion ,
although
Linking Words
 there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 different points of view ,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 stick with my opinion to donate my
money
Use synonyms
 to a real trusted platform ,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will be relax the my
money
Use synonyms
 will be received
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who are in need .

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task response
You discuss both ways of giving and you give your own view. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why each way may be better. For direct help, say that people can see the need at once, but the money may not always be used well. For charities, say that they can check needs and help many people, but some money may go to running costs.
task response
Your own view is clear, but it needs a fuller reason. Explain why a trusted charity is safer and how it can reach people in places you cannot reach. Add one clear final reason for your choice.
task response
Your example of Ehsan is useful and on topic. Make it more clear: explain what the group does and why this makes you trust it. Also give one short real-life example of direct help.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. However, the first main part supports direct giving, while your main view supports charities. Make the contrast clear with phrases such as “On the one hand” and “On the other hand.”
coherence and cohesion
Each body part needs one main idea, an explanation, and an example. In the first part, do not repeat that direct help is fast. Add a new point, such as being able to buy food or water at once.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. “In addition to make the process faster” and “In a result” are not clear. Use simple links such as “As a result,” “For this reason,” “However,” and “For example.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because key words are missing or in the wrong form. Write short, clear sentences. For example: “The money reaches homeless people quickly.” Then explain the result in the next sentence.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and clearly state that you prefer to give money through trusted charities.
task response
You use a useful example of a charity platform in Saudi Arabia, which makes your ideas more real.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “For example,” “although,” and “In conclusion.”
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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