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Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think children should help with household chores. Do you agree or disagree.

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Introduction
Nowadays, some individuals think
children
Use synonyms
 should help with household chores. I agree, because it helps to increase
children
Use synonyms
’s awareness
,
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apply
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 and improve their priorities.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
children
Use synonyms
help
Correct pronoun usage
who help
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in
Change preposition
with
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 household chores have the ability to be independent.
This
Linking Words
 is because they gain a wide range of knowledge access in their mind through dealing with different topics and tasks.
For example
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, kids try to buy groceries by dealing with
shop
Correct article usage
the shop
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 man, it is leading to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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their
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in their
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 attention and personality.
Body paragraph 2
Another important point is that
children
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help
Correct pronoun usage
who help
show examples
in
Change preposition
with
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 household chores have the ability to be responsible and respectful in their society.
In other words
Linking Words
, no need to worry about a lot of decisions, especially in
their
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apply
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school.
For instance
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,
children
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 try to arrange their room, tidy their bed, and help their mother in the kitchen.
As a result
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, it creates
some
Correct determiner usage
an
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 imaginary ability to
have
Verb problem
make
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 their own personal decisions with minimal hesitation.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the two
way
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ways
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 that kids participate in them help them to think wisely and change their character.
Therefore
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, I believe that all these home duties should be
in
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apply
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limited to avoid wasting their homework at school and that will lead to big problems, because of the imbalance in life.

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task response
Your answer gives a clear view: children should help at home. Keep this view clear in every part of the essay.
task response
Make your main ideas more clear. For example, say that chores teach children to be more independent and more responsible. Then explain how each chore builds these skills.
task response
Some ideas do not fully fit the point, such as having less worry about school decisions. Use ideas that are closer to home work, such as learning to manage time, care for others, and work as part of a family.
task response
Your examples are useful, but explain them more. For example, buying food can teach a child how to plan, speak to people, and use money with care.
task response
Your last point about limits is good. Explain that children should help, but chores should not take too much time away from school work or rest.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences. For example: “First, chores can help children become independent.” Then give one reason and one example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more directly. Use simple links such as “This means that”, “For this reason”, and “As a result” only when the next sentence clearly follows the first.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same long form, such as “children help in household chores have the ability”. Use short, clear sentences: “Children who do chores can become more independent.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending more direct. Restate your view, name the two main benefits, and then add the point about keeping chores limited.
task response
You answer the question directly and clearly show that you agree.
task response
You give two main benefits: children can become more independent and more responsible.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay uses clear paragraph breaks, with one main idea in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples of real home tasks, such as buying food, making a bed, and helping in the kitchen.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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