IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some believe that protecting the environment is the responsibility of individuals, while others think that governments and large companies should take the lead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Some people think that caring for the
environment
Use synonyms
 is primarily an individual responsibility,
while
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 others argue that it is the large
companies
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 and corporations who should take action in environmental protection.
Although
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 we can all make a positive impact on the
environment
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 with daily habits, they are disproportionately smaller in comparison to what large-scale businesses and
companies
Use synonyms
 could do.
This
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 essay will explore both perspectives and explain why I support the second viewpoint.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, the contribution that people can make for the sake of the
environment
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 cannot be disregarded, since people can
organize
Change the spelling
organise
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 themselves and generate real revolutions when there is a legitimate purpose.
For example
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, many environmental initiatives bring together millions of individuals and have real and concrete effects, especially when there is
also
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 a commitment from the state to raise awareness.
However
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, most of them,
such
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 as cleaning a river, encouraging public transport or collecting waste in the sand, aim to solve problems on a small scale, when they are very visible or reach a critical point.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, multinational industries and
companies
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 cause immeasurable damage not only to local ecosystems
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 to the global
environment
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 as a whole. A study conducted by the United Nations showed an alarming result
,
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:
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 climate change is irreversible,
that is
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, there is no
return to
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apply
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remedy
it
Verb problem
to reverse it
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. The sacrifice of the
environment
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 at the hands of multiple industries has altered environmental processes through the overexploitation of natural resources. In
this
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 sense, it is logical to assign them the responsibility of stopping it, or at least, preventing it from getting worse. Since many
companies
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 are indifferent to
this
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 reality, it is up to governments to regulate the industrial sector by imposing measures and harsh sanctions to prevent them from continuing to operate under the same lack of control.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, individual actions to improve the
environment
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 will never be in vain, since it entails taking responsibility and being aware of a problem that affects us all equally.
However
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, big industries and governments have an absolute obligation to take action on the issue, since the overexploitation of the
environment
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ended up compromising
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has compromised
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 the entire planet.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view. To make your ideas stronger, explain more clearly why daily acts cannot deal with the main causes of harm, such as factory waste, fuel use, and large use of water.
task response
Your example of people cleaning a river or beach is useful, but it is quite general. Add one short, clear case to show what a company or government can do, such as rules that make firms cut waste or use clean power.
task response
Be careful with very strong claims. The line saying that climate change is irreversible is too broad and is not well explained. Say that some harm may last for a very long time, but fast action can still reduce future harm.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, one paragraph for each view, and an ending. Keep this good plan, but make the link between companies and governments clearer in the second main paragraph. The task asks who should take the lead, so state that governments should set rules and companies should change how they work.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hold too many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily. For example, separate the claim about company harm from the point about government rules.
coherence and cohesion
Use more exact links between ideas. Instead of only using phrases such as 'In this sense,' show cause and result: 'Because large firms create much of this harm, they should cut it at its source.'
coherence and cohesion
There is a small shift in focus in the first body paragraph. You begin with what people can do, then move to state support. Make the main point first: individual acts matter, but they work best when public rules and help are in place.
task response
Your opinion is clear from the opening and stays the same through the essay: large companies and governments should take the main role.
task response
You cover both views and use relevant ideas, including public action, company harm, and government rules.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has a clear focus, and the ending returns to both individual duty and the greater duty of industry and government.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts such as 'On the one hand,' 'On the other hand,' and 'To conclude,' which help the reader follow the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • protect the environment
  • individual responsibility
  • take the lead
  • daily actions
  • save water
  • use less plastic
  • public transport
  • recycle waste
  • at home
  • small steps
  • make a big difference
  • good habits
  • start at home
  • waste food
  • save power
  • care for nature
  • green way of life
  • large change
  • create laws
  • cut pollution
  • air pollution
  • water pollution
  • clean energy
  • wind power
  • solar power
  • key role
  • large companies
  • reduce waste
  • clean technology
  • eco-friendly products
  • on a bigger scale
  • control money
  • public support
  • environmental policy
  • more successful
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