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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people belive that international sports events, such as The oympics or the football world cup are good way to bring countries together. Others say that these evets create competition, not friendship , between countries. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

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Introduction
Many
people
Use synonyms
 think that global sports functions aid citizens of different nations to come together.
Howerver
Correct your spelling
However
.
other
Fix capitalization
Others
show examples
 believe that these
events
Use synonyms
 lead to competitive hate. In my opinion, having these event help peoples to enjoy their life despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the competition.
Body paragraph 1
One of the drawbacks of the global sports event is that
this
Linking Words
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to some
physcoligical
Correct your spelling
physical
 hate between opposite team supporter. In various
events
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 screeming on each other and
screeming
Correct your spelling
screaming
 even to support their team is very common
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 in some intense
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 these
screms
Correct your spelling
screams
 lead to physical harm by supporters of different nations .
For instance
Linking Words
, as per a
soical
Correct your spelling
social
 study in
FIFA
Correct article usage
the FIFA
show examples
world cup
Capitalize the proper name
World Cup
show examples
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 in finals
at
Punctuation problem
, at
show examples
 least 5-10
people
Use synonyms
 get physically
injued
Correct your spelling
injured
 because of tension between
oppiste
Correct your spelling
opposing
 teams.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Global atheltic
Correct your spelling
global athletic
events
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 bring individuals together more than any other event
mainly
Punctuation problem
, mainly
show examples
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a global scale.
People
Use synonyms
 from different cultures and castes come together to
celerbrete
Correct your spelling
celebrate
 these
events
Use synonyms
, rooting for their team to win. Another crucial reason is individual get to come out
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 daily work life and enjoy these like festivals. Not only
,
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apply
show examples
 the individuals but
employees
Correct word choice
also the employees
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 of the
companeis
Correct your spelling
companies
 who collaborate during
this
Linking Words
 big sports season get to have some good moments.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, international
events
Use synonyms
 have both positive and negative effects
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
events
Use synonyms
 are much more fun and help
people
Use synonyms
 to give some
memoialbe
Correct your spelling
memorable
 moment of their lives
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
show examples
 the
competive
Correct your spelling
competitive
 hate.

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task response
You answer both views and give your own view. This is good. However, explain more clearly why sports can build friendship between countries, not only give people fun.
task response
Your first main idea is clear: sports can cause hate and fights. Your second idea needs a closer link to the question. Show how people from different countries meet, talk, and learn about each other.
task response
Use examples that are clear and safe. The FIFA study with numbers does not have a source, so it may not feel true. You can give a simple general example of fans meeting at a match or players showing respect after a game.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, one bad side, one good side, and conclusion. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main point. In the second body paragraph, the idea moves from countries coming together to workers having fun. The point about workers is not closely linked to the main question.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Write: “However, other people believe ...” Do not use a full stop after “However”. Also use “On the other hand” only when you are clearly moving to the other view.
coherence and cohesion
Help the reader follow your ideas with clear topic sentences. For example: “International sports events can also create friendship because they bring people from many countries into one place.”
task response
You discuss the bad side and the good side of international sports events, and you clearly state your own view in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has four clear parts and uses paragraph breaks well.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful signposts such as “On the other hand” and “To conclude” to show the change between ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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