IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of library books read by boys and girls at Starmouth School from 2006 to the present. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The line graph illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
how
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 read a book at
starmouth school library
Capitalize the proper name
Starmouth School Library
show examples
 from 2009 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of girls who
reading
Wrong verb form
read
show examples
 books was the highest in comparison with the
boys
Check wording
number of boys
show examples
 reader. These figures have been changed
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period. In 2009, around 45 female
students
Use synonyms
 visited
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 library to read a book. The following year showed a significant
increased
Replace the word
increase
 in the
number
Use synonyms
 of book reader represent 80 female and continued to grow by 20
readers
Use synonyms
 in 2011.
Then
Linking Words
, a sharp
declined
Replace the word
decline
 was clear
to be
Change preposition
in the number of
show examples
 80 female
readers
Use synonyms
 in 2012.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of male
students
Use synonyms
 who borrowed books to read made up nearly 21
readers
Use synonyms
 in 2011. These figures doubled in 2012. Next 2 years , the
number
Use synonyms
 of male
readers
Use synonyms
 dramatically rose to
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
100 and 140
students
Use synonyms
 respectively
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 experienced the highest numbers
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, students, readers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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