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Writing Samples
Band 2

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures What measures should be taken to reduce this pressure

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Introduction
Nowadays,
children
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 are facing increasing pressures from academic,social and commercial factors.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the main causes of
this
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pressure
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 and suggest some effective solutions.
Body paragraph 1
One main cause is academic
pressure
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.
This
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 is because parents push there childern to get higher grades in school.
For example
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, they will study for a long time with no break to prepare for exams.
As a result
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 , they will be stressed and tired.
Body paragraph 2
However
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 , there is a solution
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 where parents and academics can limit
children
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's exposure to advertisements and social media.
Body paragraph 3
Because
children
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 are affected by social media .
For example
Linking Words
, marketing targets
children
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.
As a result
Linking Words
 , they will feel the need for more stuff to pay
.
Change preposition
for.
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Conclusion
In conclusion ,
children
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 are facing
pressure
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 mainly because of academic, social and commercial factors . Parents
,
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apply
show examples
 shcool should work together to reduce the
pressure
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 on the
children
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 .

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task response
Answer both parts in a more full way. Give clear causes for school, social, and shop pressure, then give a matching way to deal with each one.
task response
Your ideas are on topic, but some are too short. Explain how long study time, social media, and ads make children feel stress, and say who should act: parents, schools, and the people who make ads.
task response
Use more clear examples. For example, a child may have tests, extra classes, and little free time. A child may also see ads online and ask for things that the family cannot buy.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: start, causes, ways to help, and end. Keep all causes in one part and all ways to help in the next part.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph about one main idea. The paragraph that starts with “However” gives a way to help before the social and shop causes are fully explained, so the order is not clear.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “As a result”, and “To help”. Do not use “However” when you are not showing an opposite idea.
task response
You answer the question about both causes and ways to help.
task response
You give useful main ideas: school work, parents, social media, and ads.
coherence and cohesion
Your start tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and your end brings the main point back.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple cause-and-effect links such as “because”, “for example”, and “as a result”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic competition
  • peer pressure
  • social media influence
  • advertising targeting
  • balanced lifestyle
  • extracurricular activities
  • mental well-being
  • academic expectations
  • unrealistic standards
  • college applications
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