IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, many people send their children to boarding schools so that they can have time to work. Do the advantages of this trend out weight the diadvantages?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era, most
parents
Use synonyms
 prefer boarding
schools
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 so that they can focus on their careers.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend has some benefits
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as helping
children
Use synonyms
 become disciplined and independent, I firmly believe that long distances detach
children
Use synonyms
 from their roots, and loans from financial institutions create problems for
parents
Use synonyms
 in
future
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
Undoubtedly,
parents
Use synonyms
 have
hectic
Correct article usage
a hectic
show examples
 schedule, and they are often unable to manage household chores
along with
Linking Words
 the daily responsibilities of their
children
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, they often struggle to provide academic
support
Use synonyms
, emotional guidance, and keep constant supervision
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their daily activities.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 choose boarding
schools
Use synonyms
 as the secure option for their
children
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, hostel lifestyle is totally different from home, where students maintain discipline, manage their routines independently, and complete their assignments on time. These circumstances not only enhance their confidence but
also
Linking Words
 prepare them for
future
Use synonyms
 challenges.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, those
children
Use synonyms
 who join boarding
schools
Use synonyms
 in their early age are unable to receive proper care and emotional
support
Use synonyms
 from their
parents
Use synonyms
. At
such
Linking Words
 a young age, whatever prints on their sensitive mind
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 leaves a long-lasting impression on their attitude and
future
Use synonyms
 behaviour. Apart from that, limited interaction with
parents
Use synonyms
 makes
children
Use synonyms
 stubborn, less expressive, and less comfortable seeking
support
Use synonyms
 from their
parents
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, many adults often struggle with depression
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and turn to unhealthy habits rather than attaining personal
support
Use synonyms
 from their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 3
Furthermore
Linking Words
, boarding
schools
Use synonyms
 are extremely expensive, and
due to
Linking Words
 the social influence, many
parents
Use synonyms
 take loans from financial institutions. These loans create stress when
parents
Use synonyms
 find difficulty to pay on time. If
this
Linking Words
 trend continues,
then
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 have to face serious challenges in
future
Use synonyms
, and it may create difficulties for their
children
Use synonyms
 as well.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 boarding
schools
Use synonyms
 develop discipline and independence, their drawbacks are more significant. I believe emotional distance from
parents
Use synonyms
 and the financial burden of high fees make
this
Linking Words
 option less suitable for many families.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your view is clear: the bad sides are stronger. Keep this view clear in every main part. In the first body part, say more directly why being free for work is a real good point for parents, not only for children.
task response
The point about high school fees is useful, but it needs more support. Explain why a loan may harm family life, such as less money for food, home needs, or later study.
task response
Be careful with wide claims. The link between boarding school and depression is not fully shown. Use softer words such as “may” and give a closer example of a child feeling alone or not talking to parents.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: good points, bad points, then a final view. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link the first body part more closely to the question. Start with a clear main sentence, such as: “One main good point is that boarding schools can help busy parents work more easily.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hold too many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences to make the meaning easier to follow. For example, separate the idea about young children from the idea about later behavior.
coherence and cohesion
Use links with care. “Furthermore” works, but the money point is another bad side, so “Another major problem is the high cost” is clearer.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear final choice. The ending matches the view in the opening.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant: children may learn to manage life alone, while family contact and high costs can cause harm.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main focus, and the examples help the reader understand your points.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending are both present and clear, which gives the essay a complete shape.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • boarding school
  • working parents
  • demanding career
  • full-time employment
  • structured routine
  • supervised learning
  • extracurricular activities
  • develop independence
  • personal responsibility
  • daily parental contact
  • emotional support
  • feel homesick
  • family bonds
  • child's well-being
  • financial burden
  • tuition fees
  • parental involvement
  • for the convenience of parents
What to do next:
Look at other essays: