IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays many elderly people live alone and this can cause a variety of problems. What are some of these problems and what solutions can you suggest?

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Introduction
Nowadays, many elderly
community
Check wording
people
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 live alone in their home or
apartment
Fix the agreement mistake
apartments
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, and
this
Linking Words
 could lead to several problems. Living alone can cause a serioues problems for elderly
people
Use synonyms
one
Punctuation problem
, one
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 of
them
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is related to health conditions.
Body paragraph 1
Elderly
people
Use synonyms
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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someone
Use synonyms
 to take care of them and keep an eye open 24 hours approximately, as they
usually
Verb problem
are usually
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 diagnosed with disorderes
for instance
Linking Words
, obesity and diabetes. An individual who is diagnosed with obesity needs
someone
Use synonyms
 to help them navigate and move from
place
Correct determiner usage
one place
show examples
 to another. Some of them need a wheelchair and need some assistance in pushing and moving it. Elderly
people
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 with diabetes need
someone
Use synonyms
 to remind them to take their daily medications. When old
people
Use synonyms
 live alone,
this
Linking Words
 could lead to depression, anxiety and mental health disorders
such
Linking Words
 as Alzheimer's disease.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, they will end up with memory issues and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of communication skills because of loneliness.
Body paragraph 2
In terms of financial problems, elderly
people
Use synonyms
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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 somebody to pay their bills, and they are more exposed to
scammer
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scammers
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 and their money will be stolen because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of awareness.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are several solutions and options for
this
Linking Words
 isuue which is building a community centre for elderly
people
Use synonyms
 so they can live with their peers, communicate and interact with others.
Also
Linking Words
, social workers and employees who work with these cases will help them and take care of them.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, relatives should visit them regularly and do a preferable activities for them.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, elderly
people
Use synonyms
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
someone
Use synonyms
 to take care of them and make them
well engaged
Correct your spelling
well-engaged
 with the community.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task: you explain problems and give solutions. To improve, make each problem more exact and explain its result. For example, say that a fall at home may not be found for many hours, or that a scam may cause an old person to lose money for food and bills.
task response
Some ideas need more care. Living alone does not directly cause Alzheimer’s disease. Instead, say that loneliness can make low mood, worry, and memory problems worse. This will make your answer more correct and clear.
task response
Your solutions are useful, such as family visits, care workers, and community centres. Add how each one helps. For example, a care worker can check medicine, while a community centre can help older people meet friends and take part in daily activities.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: health problems first, then money problems and solutions, followed by a short ending. However, it would be easier to follow if you used one body paragraph for problems and one body paragraph for solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. Words such as “First”, “Another problem”, “As a result”, and “To deal with this” can show the reader how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid putting too many different ideas in one long paragraph. Give one main idea, explain it, and then give one example before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending more direct. It should briefly repeat the main problems and the main ways to help, rather than only saying that older people need care.
task response
You give relevant problems, including health needs, loneliness, money worries, and scams. These are closely linked to the topic.
task response
You include several practical ways to help, such as regular family visits, care workers, and places where older people can meet others.
coherence and cohesion
The opening clearly introduces the topic, and the ending gives a final view.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “Moreover”, “Also”, and “To sum up”, to join your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Isolation
  • Mental health issues
  • Physical health risks
  • Daily activities
  • Financial difficulties
  • Housekeeping
  • Personal care
  • Medical services
  • Safety concerns
  • Vulnerable
  • Accidents
  • Scams
  • Social interaction
  • Healthcare costs
  • Social services
  • Community-based programs
  • In-home care services
  • Safety measures
  • Subsidize
  • Intergenerational living arrangements
  • Emotional support
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