IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person. ​Why do you think this is the case? ​What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person? ​Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. ​ ​Do not write your real name and surname or email address in your answer.

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Introduction
Researches
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Research
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 demonstrated that a lot of young people nowadays are more likely to socialise through social platforms than meeting others in person
,
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. This
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this
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 is one of the results of living in a
technology based
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technology-based
 society
were
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, where
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 anonymity given by social
medias
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media
 allows adolescents to communicate with others without necessarily showing themselves
but
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, but
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this
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 could be avoided if their
parents
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 and close adults prioritised human interactions
to
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over
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 social ones
starting
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, starting
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 from early ages.
Body paragraph 1
The new generation starts to have access
mobile
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to mobile
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 phones since they are little children
and
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, and
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this
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have
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has
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 a huge impact on their childhood and later on their growth. These days
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parents
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, parents
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 are used to
give
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giving
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 their children iPads or
tv
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TV
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 as a way for them to spend their free time
instead
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to
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of
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 taking them to the park or for a walk. Little
thing
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things
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 like
this
Linking Words
 are a starting point from which youths start to get used to
have
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having
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 a device to look at or to talk to
instead
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 of a person.
Body paragraph 2
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Furthermore
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Furthermore,
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 one of the main
reason
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reasons
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 why teenagers prefer online communications to
real life
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real-life
 ones is
because
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that
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 they are insecure
of
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about
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 themselves and prefer to message or to call others without having to show their faces.
Body paragraph 3
Adolescence is a tough time for young people
,
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;
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 they develop some insecurities
and
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, and
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 they undergo social pressures and judgment, so having the possibility to meet other people without physically meeting them may make them feel more secure. In online
interactions
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interactions,
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 your
immagine
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image
 does not precede your personality or your thoughts.
This
Linking Words
 can feel reassuring for teenagers
but
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, but
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 it can be extremely dangerous. Not knowing who really is on the other side of a screen can expose them to many risks that
parents
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 and teachers should explain to
childrens
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children
 before the eventuality of facing them.
Conclusion
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However
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However,
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 I think that
parents
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 should raise their children's inspiring confidence in themselves and reminding them that there will always be someone ready to judge them
but
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, but
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 they do not have to mind the critics
and
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, and
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 they should encourage them to go out, to socialise and to wisely choose their friends who will support them and appreciate them without having to hide behind the screen of anonymity.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question: why teens choose online contact and what parents can do. Add more than one clear step, such as school clubs, sport, free local events, and phone-free time at home.
task response
Your main reasons are clear: easy phone use from a young age and fear of face-to-face judgment. Give one real, small example for each reason to make your ideas stronger.
task response
Some ideas need a little more detail. Explain how a parent taking a child to a park, or joining a team, can help the child make friends over time.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, main body, and ending. The order is easy to follow: early phone use, fear of judgment, then help from parents.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example, start the final main part with “To deal with this problem, parents can...” This will show that you are now giving answers, not only causes.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The paragraph about online safety moves away from the main question. Link it back to meeting in person, or make it shorter.
coherence and cohesion
Write a short final paragraph that sums up both the causes and the steps. This will make the ending feel more complete.
task response
You give direct reasons for online socialising, especially easy access to phones and fear of being judged.
task response
You offer a useful main answer: parents and other adults can help young people build confidence and spend more time with others in real life.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses helpful linking words, such as “Furthermore” and “However”, and the main ideas are in a sensible order.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending returns to your main view and gives a clear message about confidence, going out, and choosing good friends.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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