IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Modern lifestyle mena that manu parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they do not get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Family is the first institution worldwide, in which there are rules to follow.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Bible decribe the man (the father) as the chief of the
househole
Correct your spelling
household
, the mother is the
one
Use synonyms
 that suffering for the
to
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apply
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delivery.
Now a days
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
, many individuals
are argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that kids do not get enough from their parents. I strongly agree with the statement
of the
Change preposition
about
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 inflation
, parents
Punctuation problem
. Parents
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 have to work overtime to afford their bills
toddlers
Correct word choice
, and toddlers
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 get affected by
this
Linking Words
 situation.
Body paragraph 1
Base
Wrong verb form
Based
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 on the family situation nowadays, people have to get an activity and raise their little
one
Use synonyms
 in
their
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 discipline.
Moreover
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, child needs cuddles, swaddles
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc.,
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 at the same
time
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 their physical needs should
taking
Wrong verb form
be taken
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 care of.
Therefore
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, it is crucial to spend
time
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 having fun with
adolescent
Check wording
adolescents
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 whenever
Use synonyms
time
Correct article usage
the time
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come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
. Memorable moments are
time
Use synonyms
spending
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 together
than
Correct word choice
rather than
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 anything that money can buy.
Body paragraph 2
One
Use synonyms
 solution should be, Dads' work first shift
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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moms'
Verb problem
moms are
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 at
home
Punctuation problem
home,
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 set up the
day
Punctuation problem
day,
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 have a routine.
In addition
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, after lunch will be
time
Use synonyms
 for
leasure
Correct your spelling
leisure
. Like they will probably
watching
Verb problem
be watching
show examples
 TV;
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 the second person can
takeover
Replace the word
take over
. Which is
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the recreation part and
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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 them ready for bed. A second possibility is
,
Correct word choice
that
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 ladies work
works
Verb problem
apply
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on Saturdays
instead
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 of Sundays , because some jobs required to works on
weekend
Check wording
weekends
show examples
. So it would be
necesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to spend Sundays at home and having diner with family.
Conclusion
In summary,
beeing
Correct your spelling
being
 around family is matter,
Linking Words
however
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
comfort
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not
for
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apply
show examples
free.
Howevre
Correct your spelling
However
, as
couple
Correct article usage
a couple
show examples
 we need to get a plan
over
Change preposition
for
show examples
 our activities to watch over the mini bodies. Remember, adolescents today will be
adultsin
Correct your spelling
adults in
 the future.

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task response
State your main view in a clear way. You agree that parents have less time, but some parts move away from this main point.
task response
Explain why parents work long hours and how this can hurt children. For example, say that children may feel sad, lonely, or less close to their parents.
task response
Use each body part to support your answer. The part about work times and days at home is more like advice, so link it clearly to the main question.
task response
Give one clear, real-life example in each main part. For example, a child may eat dinner alone because both parents work late.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, first reason, second reason, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. Then add two or three sentences that explain it before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words in the right way: First, Also, For example, As a result, and In summary.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Write shorter sentences so the reader can follow your meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for key ideas. Use “children” or “kids” in a steady way, rather than changing to “toddlers”, “adolescents”, and “mini bodies” when you mean all children.
task response
You give a clear view that parents may have less time because they need to work and pay for family needs.
task response
You try to add useful home-based ideas, such as sharing work times and spending a day with the family.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, body parts, and a final summary.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use link words such as “Moreover”, “Therefore”, “In addition”, and “In summary” to join ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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