IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

5.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In the twenty-first century, advances in
technology
Use synonyms
 enabled
people
Use synonyms
 to work and study remotely. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 change has numerous benefits that outweigh drawbacks, since the convenience combined with
accessibility
Correct article usage
the accessibility
show examples
 of e-learning and building an online career can not be overlooked.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, electronic devices spared modern generations the need to travel to their educational institutes
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a daily basis. Since
lengthy
Correct article usage
a lengthy
show examples
 and time-consuming commute , particularly in
winter
Correct article usage
the winter
show examples
 months, could have caused learners to be discouraged from attending their lessons regularly.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it may lead to missing essential classes, falling behind in their studies and ultimately impede their academic progress.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, online studying increases inclusivity and accessibility for
people
Use synonyms
 who live in different areas.
For example
Linking Words
, families who can not afford relocation are able to acquire the same breadth of knowledge and courses, not leaving behind in educational level from learners of highly modernised countries by conducting their classes online.
Body paragraph 2
Technology
Use synonyms
 not only facilitates education but
aslo
Correct your spelling
also
 brings positive changes to workplaces.
For instance
Linking Words
, a large proportion of employees maintain a satisfactory level of living by working for international companies in the city or country of their choices that made it easier for travel enthusiasts, who can travel without sacrificing their careers.
Body paragraph 3
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 contend that a lack of social interaction caused by online working and studying may hinder
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of interpersonal skills.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
technology
Use synonyms
 broadens
people
Use synonyms
's horizons by exposing them to unfamiliar cultures, traditions and new languages.
As a result
Linking Words
, they would not hesitate to communicate with foreign
people
Use synonyms
 if they
accidentely
Correct your spelling
accidentally
 met them in their lives.
Conclusion
To summarise, state-of-the-art
technology
Use synonyms
 is bringing meaningful changes to employment and education by making it more accessible and flexible for
people
Use synonyms
 to get
qualification
Correct article usage
a qualification
show examples
 and a high level of knowledge without limiting their social skills.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Give a clearer answer in the first paragraph. Say that this is mainly a positive change, then name the two main reasons you will explain.
task response
Develop each main point more fully. For example, explain how home study helps a child in a small town, or how home work saves time and money for a worker.
task response
Use a more real and specific example. The example about families who cannot move is useful, but it needs a clear place, person, or result.
task response
The point about social skills is not fully proved. Online contact can help people meet others, but it is not always the same as face-to-face talk. Say this more carefully and explain why the good points are still greater.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: study first, work next, then the other view. Keep this plan, but make the link between each idea smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences contain too many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow the cause and result more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “For example”, “However”, and “As a result” are used well, but make sure the next sentence directly supports the link.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph match your main answer more closely. It should restate that home work and home study are positive mainly because they save travel time and give more people access.
task response
You answer the question clearly and take a positive view throughout the essay.
task response
You cover both home study and home work, which makes your response complete.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and final paragraph are present and easy to identify.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphing is clear, and each body paragraph has a main focus.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote work
  • e-learning
  • accessibility
  • inclusive
  • productivity
  • personalized learning
  • disciplined routine
  • interpersonal skills
  • cybersecurity
  • sustainability
  • work-life balance
  • physical disabilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: