IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
In the twentieth century,
due to
Linking Words
 the influence of state-of-the-art technology large proportion of people prefer to
work
Use synonyms
 and study remotely. I believe that it has numerous beneficial implications rather than drawbacks, since the importance of technology and the convenience of working in distance can not be neglected.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, advances in
technlogy
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technology
 spared
modern
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the modern
show examples
 generation the need to journey to schools. Since
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 long and time-consuming roads
especially
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, especially
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 during winter
seasons
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seasons,
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 caused students to lose interest and be discouraged about attending their educational places.
As a result
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, it might have led
for
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to
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 skipping necessary classes and leaving behind
of
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apply
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their school
programes
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programs
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
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 type of learning
provdes
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provides
 individuals with
opportunity
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the opportunity
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 to acquire knowledge from foreign countries that expands their vision to the world by
acknowledging
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introducing
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 them
about
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to
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 unfamiliar culture, tradition and new language without the need
of emmigration
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for emigration
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.
Body paragraph 2
Tehnology does not only alleviate education, but
also
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 brings a meaningful change to employers. Female who are in their pregnancy period are able to continue their
work
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 and being able to earn their own money without being dependent on someone else.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, amateurs of travelling may not sacrifice pleasure from visiting countries and
work
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 in a
prefered
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preferred
 town and still have
satisfactory
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a satisfactory
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 salary.
For example
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, programmers' earnings provide them with a high quality of life, even though they usually
work
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 remotely.
Conclusion
To summarise, technology is driving positive
chaneges
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changes
 in
workers
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workers'
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 and young
people lifes
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people's lives
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, making it more convenient and easier for them to get needed educational degrees and profits without hindering the process

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task response
State your main view more clearly in the first paragraph. Say that this is a positive change, then give two clear reasons: easier study and more freedom at work.
task response
Develop each main idea further. Explain not only that online study saves travel time, but also how this can help students use more time for class work, rest, or family.
task response
Add a more specific example. The point about programmers is useful, but explain one real or clear case: for example, a programmer who works from home for a firm in another city while living near family.
task response
Briefly address one possible bad side, such as less face-to-face contact or poor self-control, and explain why the good sides are still stronger. This will make your view more complete.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear three-part shape: opening, two main paragraphs, and ending. Make the topic sentence of each main paragraph more direct so the reader can follow your ideas at once.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one area. The first body paragraph is about study, and the second is about work; this is good. Make the links inside each paragraph smoother by showing cause and result more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Phrases such as “To begin with”, “Additionally”, and “Furthermore” help, but do not begin too many sentences in the same way. Use simple links such as “because”, “so”, “therefore”, and “as a result” when they show the exact link.
coherence and cohesion
Make the final paragraph stronger by repeating your main answer in a full sentence and naming the two key reasons. The last words are cut off, so finish the conclusion clearly.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep a clear positive view throughout the essay.
task response
Your ideas are relevant: saving travel time, learning from other countries, and giving workers more freedom all fit the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow. You discuss study first and work second, which gives the essay a clear plan.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks and basic linking phrases to guide the reader from one point to the next.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote work
  • e-learning
  • accessibility
  • inclusive
  • productivity
  • personalized learning
  • disciplined routine
  • interpersonal skills
  • cybersecurity
  • sustainability
  • work-life balance
  • physical disabilities
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