IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people believe that media spreads too much negativity in the society that it is harmful for those, who grow up there. So you support the argument. Please discuss

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Introduction
Nowadays, information is not too far from us
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 we can easily get it. We can get information to improve our
effectivenss
Correct your spelling
effectiveness
, but there is one problem
that is
Linking Words
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
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 spreads too much negativity in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is harmful for those who grow up there.
Body paragraph 1
First,
Linking Words
for children, they can't understand what
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 is telling, but they can know
that
Linking Words
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
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 not a good thing. When children accept
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
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 negative news from
early
Correct article usage
an early
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 time
while
Linking Words
 they don't even know much about the words, it is bad for their
growing up
Replace the word
growth
,
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.
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 Bad news can affect their brain development,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 may
anxious
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be anxious
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 aldays that cannot concentrate on their
studying
Replace the word
studies
.
Body paragraph 2
Second,
Linking Words
for elders like the parents, they may feel hopeless when they get out to work. The parents may get through negative news
in the
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at
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 night
and
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, and
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 they could have nightmares, and
in
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on
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 the second
day
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day,
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 when they get to work, they may get false in the work, so their boss may fire them
, in
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. In
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 the end, the whole family may get
in
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into
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 poverty, and their children have
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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 future.
Conclusion
So, I don't think
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
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 should always press
negativities
Correct article usage
the negativities
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 even
they
Correct word choice
if they
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 are more attractive. I agree more
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 should transfer hopefullness for people.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first part. Say if you agree fully or only in part, and give the main reasons for your view.
task response
Your two main ideas are clear: harm to children and harm to parents. Add more detail to show how the news causes these problems.
task response
Some ideas are too strong without proof. For example, bad news will not always lead to job loss and poverty. Use more likely results, such as stress, fear, poor sleep, or less focus at work.
task response
Use one real or clear example in each body part. For example, a child may see news about crime every day and then feel afraid to go outside.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, body part about children, body part about adults, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with a direct main sentence. For example: “Too much bad news can harm children’s feelings and learning.”
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “because”, “as a result”, “however”, “for example”, and “therefore”. Do not join too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last part stronger by restating your view and giving a clear final message. For example, media should report bad events but also give useful and hopeful news.
task response
You answer the main question and clearly show that you support the idea that too much negative news can be harmful.
task response
You use two different groups, children and parents, which gives your essay a clear range of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “First”, “Second”, and “So” helps the reader follow the order of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, two main parts, and a final opinion, so the basic shape is clear.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • negative news coverage
  • sensational headlines
  • crime and violence
  • disturbing content
  • constant exposure
  • young and impressionable audiences
  • cause anxiety
  • create a sense of fear
  • feel unsafe
  • a distorted view of reality
  • normalise aggressive behaviour
  • social media algorithms
  • controversial posts
  • media literacy
  • critical thinking skills
  • responsible reporting
  • balanced news coverage
  • positive role models
  • constructive stories
  • public awareness
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